Mariska Hargitay

When unexpected happens.

2011-05-29T04:26:00.002+08:00

I puff tonight.
I puff for a reason.
A reason for cause.
A caused for what had happen.
I wasnt mad with you,just really upset.
You left me,leaving a big confusion in my head.
But good news is,I have forgotten the matter.
I rather think you and me are just doing great :D
Love you.

2011-05-08T14:27:00.003+08:00

From that,

To this!

So,how have you readers been?
I am pretty sure how long I have been dead.
So I shall update and revive my dead blog for the long lost king has come back...to life!
Dont you get it?
I have come back to life!
........................................................................................................................................
Ok,nvm lets carry on.
As I mentioned in my previous post that there was this pinay I was talking.
I actually realized that I did not mention her name or her background.
But not to worry to those who have been waiting for I shall be talking about her in this post.
So lets get to it now.
Her name is Inah,17.
She used to be my best friend but is still is now just that we been so close that we just cant help the feeling to fall in love with each other.
Having said that,we are currently dating for 8months now.
And one good feature is that we never quarreled at all before.
Its a good ride people and I am loving very single moment.
Shes been my supporting pillar and she has never fail to entertain me.
Inah,you are the true source of my happiness and I pray that luck will be on our side always.
Just yesterday,we went on a not-so-romantic-but-simple date.
Headed to this very big field,sat in the middle and look at the sky.
Beautiful,we talked about our lives and how we could improve.
And we learnt that our past taught us alot.
We have gone through the pain once and we wont want to experience it again.
So yeah,life change so much for the better and I enjoying it!

Stay tune as I bring you more on the next episode.

Pinay!

2010-08-29T01:31:00.002+08:00

Thank you for everything.
You taught me alot and make me realised that life is just like a heaven's touch.
You made me laugh,
Walk me through the desert storm,
Treat me to stuffs,
Laugh like theres no tomorrow,
EVERYTHING!
You are simply amazing to be with.
Like a pyramid,we will stand up tall one day.
:D

Happy Belated 45th Dead Month Anniversary.

2010-08-29T01:07:00.003+08:00

Wassup world.
Another day,another challenge.

Heres wishing you a 45th dead month.
Recently,I met your ex.
And the thoughts of the past came flooding my mind.
Didnt know it could cut me off from what I am feeling.
I was happy for a moment and the next thing,this sadness ate me up.
You know,this might be a good news to you cos I have taken up a step foward,to move on.
Well,you should know how much pain it took me to move on.
I still living in doubt if I should move on.
I dun ever wanna leave you somehow,but I know I have to.
And I just realised that,without you in my mind could actually mean happiness for me.
But I choose not to.
We were so long,I cant just leave it this way.
You and me,were so strong before.
Now what happen to us?
Why did this happen girl?
You forgot me too soon.
You left me dangling there and went with another man.
I know you didnt want it to happen this way,but it was really a living hell for me.
Even though we used to argue,it was alright.
I just didnt want us to be this way.
Its very saddening and tiring to always put a brave front to others and inside its very painful.
The day you walk out,was the day I died inside.
Well,life has to go on.
Fortunately,I have some live savers for me.
-My Crew
-La familia
-Jadags
Without them,I think it would be possible to lift a smile to my face.
Right now,thinking back,I regretted everything cos there are no sweet memories.
Everyday,I think you be fine everyday going smoothly in life.
I think about you,about us and its just a dream.
Somehow,I feel a bit happier that I took a small steps.
And putting the next step is the another challenge I will face.
I shall end here okay.
You take care,I love you.

Present?

2010-07-18T14:48:00.000+08:00

18th July,it was my birthday.
My only wish was that I could have you back.
I only wanted 1 simple present:You,lynette.
But no,I didnt get it.
I am 18 now.
For 2 years,you didnt celebrate with me.
Its doesnt feel comfortable at all without you by my side.
I no longer know how it feels like to hold a hand or even kiss.
I miss your warmth.
This rainy season,when I was cold,I only wish I could feel your arms around me.
I need you Lynette.
Why did you left just like that?
What happen to the promise you told me?
You got me living with no air.

Happy 44th Dead Month Anniversary.

2010-07-13T14:41:00.002+08:00

Hey there dear.
How you been?
Its been a rainy season.
Hope you doing fine.
You know,its been 44month and you dun seem to realise it.
13,what does it mean to you?
Nothing right.
I am still longing for you.
As I survive another day thinking about you,I wonder when does it end.
But I am still quite happy at the fact,that I think of you every single day.
Its impossible to let a day pass without you in my mind.
You came to my life and threw me away in the end.
Now,I am just waiting for you.
You told me we could be in a relationship in the future.
When will it be?
After my death?
Fuck the world.
I dun seem to get it.
Still,I will love you like I have always.
Never stop lovin you.
Okay,I end here.
You tc love.
Muack,love you.

Happy 43rd Dead Month Anniversary.

2010-06-13T02:09:00.002+08:00

Hi love.
How you been?
I hope you are doing fine my dear.
Things are going quite rough for me nowadays.
Things are never okay without you.
Today is our 43rd month.
You may forget it.
But I remember it always.
You are a part of me.
I can never get you out of my head.
Your image comes to my mind the first thing,and the last thing.
Thats all I know.
I miss you so much.
We have msg each other for almost 2weeks plus.
I duno why,but I am just scared to msg you.
So I am just waiting for you to text me.
Why dont you text me?
Have you really for real,forgotten me totally?
I still love you like I do.
I am still waiting for the day you are mine again.
Theres a feeling,that my name will not exist anymore in your world.
You and him are almost going to be 1year.
I flare at the thought of you and him but I am controlling myself.
Cos I know things wont do any good and that nothing will changes.
God,please grant me a miracle.
I swear,I wanna be with you forever till the end.
Lynette,I just wanna hear from you.
I miss you alot like heaven knows.
Text me soon k.
Please.
I love you.I love you.I love you.I love you.
Muack,the vow.

One last.

2010-06-06T20:32:00.002+08:00

Hello again.
Seem that I been blogging not so these few weeks.
It does not mean I have move on.
It just that,its just too painful to describe my feelings.
I have been keeping to myself.
In my heart,I just wanna tell you how much I miss you and I love you.
You might not be suprised of what I am feeling or what.
Everyday,your face appear in my head each time I woke up.
Every now and then,I check my hp for your msg.
But no,its nothing.
Songs play through the speakers which speak of us in the past.
And how I long to be back to where we were.
Never letting go.
Sadly,things happen and we drifted apart.
Sometimes,I ask myself what are you doing,how you are doing,and all.
But I am not able to answer this question without you.
I wish you were single and that I could take you back in my arms.
But no,I musnt be selfish.
Your happiness is my happiness.
Things cant always go in my way.
Lynette,I admit I did you wrong and that everything was my fault.
I can prove to you that I changed for the better and learnt my lesson.
All I ask from you is,can you give me one last golden chance?

Broken

2010-05-26T23:07:00.001+08:00

Dropped off your keys last night,
The front door still unpainted.
You were polite like ice,
I, once could met it.
You took our pictures down,
And you left them on the ground
Its like you wiped all the memories,
Of what we used to be...
You and me, before it all crashed down.

And I know I never told you,
That I love you,
Now its all too late.
And I don't know how to hold you,
But I want to,
I don't want to leave this way.
All I know,
Is broken.

I heard your voice break, when you said,
"well I hope you're happy".
Nothin' to say, I'll stare, straight into my coffee.
Then the conversation changed,
How we talked around the blame,
And the pain of losing.
All of the good times lost,
When it all crashed down.

And I know I never told you,
That I love you,
Now its all too late.
And I don't know how to hold you,
But I want to,
I don't want to leave this way.
All I know...
Is broken.

Well I'm here if you need me,
I know you don't believe me.
well I'm so sorry,
For all the pain I've caused.

And I know I never told you,
That I love you,
Now its all too late.
And I don't know how to hold you,
But I want to,
I don't want to leave this way.
All I know...
Is broken.

Lynette,this is a song for you.
This is an expression of how I feel for you.
All I want say is that,I still love you very much.

Happy Dead 42nd Month Anniversary Lynette.

2010-05-13T02:30:00.002+08:00

Boo,I miss you.
Its been days I been single so.
I wanna be with you.
Everyone says I am stupid for not letting go.
They make fun of me when I said I still love you.
Why doesnt anybody accept that I still love her and all?
I will wait whatever it takes.
Funny thing is,I dun fight for your love.
I am not sure about this.
But I realized that I dun fight for my love.
Reason is I dun want hurt your feelings.
I respect your decision who you want to be with.
I may hurt that person,but I wont do anything.
I just let it happen.
Yeah,it sound stupid but I am helpless.
Countless times,I let myself to let you be free.
I spent my time mostly thinking of you.
Counting the days.
Holding the hope the I had always had.
I swear,at this point now,I really want to see you.
I want to msg you,but something is stopping you.
Its not about my ego or what.
It just that way,that I cant push myself to text you.
Sigh.
Exam are over.
Results are poor.
I didnt give my best shot.
I failed myself and for us.
But I am determine to do better in the future.
Lynette,I love you so much.
)':
Have you ever felt how much I feel about you?
I keep imagining that you are by my side,holding my hands.
I miss your warmth.
I wonder,when will this come to true.

I know its just a dream.

2010-05-01T02:41:00.002+08:00

So now,I get to know about your poly life.
Well,I cant say much cos its your life.
I hope you get the right person.
Cos I want you to be happy.
Thats all I ask.
Even,if it were to upset me,I would do anything to do for your happiness.
I still love you Lynette,I still care for you.
I still want you.
Talking to you was a pleasure.
I wish I could talk to you all night long.
But,I feel that I am not worth it for you to talk to.
Like I some kind of asshole.
I seem to feel extra talking to you.
I feel its not right to talk to you.
Like Im bothering you.
Sorry to say all this.
I just scared to be hurt.
And Im just scared that you be hurt by me or anyone else.
I want to be there for you when you cry.
I want to be your best friend,and not that Joshua.
I want to be your everything.
In the end,I know its just a dream.
I will never be with you.
I wont be your number one anymore.

But I just want to love like how we used to.

My new Lynette.

2010-05-01T01:55:00.002+08:00

Yeah,its a whole new bracket.
Ladies and present,I present you Nikon D5000.
Recently bought it.
I want to thank my dad for not breaking his promise and bought the DSLR.
I have been waiting for it since last year.
I was patient enough to wait cos I didnt want to trouble him.
And I was actually smart enough to wait for its promotion.
It cost me $1199.
Plus,lots of free gifts.
Cool right.
I find so much peace when taking pictures.
Like I felt lighter.
Memories came and go.
I enjoyed the thought of taking the perfect pictures and the natural surroundings.
I could relax my mind.
After taking a few shots,I decided to call my SLR,New Lynette.
Lynette would be always be with me whenever we went out in the past.
Now,my new Lynette would be with me too whenever I went out.
Goody.
I feel so happy with my New Lynette :D

I

For you,I would do anything.

2010-04-19T02:09:00.002+08:00

I woke up.
And the first thing I saw was your message.
I couldnt tell how I felt.
But I just froze there.
I didnt want to reply.
But I think and think.
I replied you.
And next I went to 313 hoping to bump into you.
Even though my heart didnt want to see you,I had this feeling that I wanted to see you.
I know,I contradict alot.
And I mean alot.
Lastly,you talk to me on MSN.
How great.
I fear that I get hurt again.
And I want to say,I am really happy that we talk.
Its a sense of relief.
But somehow,I am upset that I am gonna get hurt again.
I am phobia to this.
Im stupid I know.
I know the consequences,but Im taking the risk.
Every night I dream of you seriously.
Sooo,cheer up my darling.
Dun be so sad k.
Things would go smooth on you.
Now,you guys having been going on for 6months I guess.
Well,good for you.
Even though I am hoping to be yours again one day.(Please!!!!!!!!!)
Sigh,I want to hold your hand.
Tonight,I know I am going to sleep with a smile knowing that I talk to you L.

Happy Dead 41th Month Anniversary.

2010-04-13T00:09:00.003+08:00

I bet you have forgotten the date 13th.
How could I forget or even avoid it.
The number 13 mean so much for me.
It symbolize our love.
The day we started our journey together as one heart.
13 wasnt about me alone.
Its about you.
Each time Im on the com,I would read your blog.
And its the same post.
Nothing changes.
"I doubt I would want to do anything with you"
I would remember that.
Till now,I am stuck here.
I just dun want to move on.
I need you.
I have been lying to my friends and even myself.
Stop telling me to move on.
I will get better,I know.
But Lynette will forever stay in my heart.
Words came to me that you have been very happy and all.
Thats good for you.
Everything reminds me of you.
Even small details.
Gone with the days we were together.
Im so upset that I am just pure evil.
I did you wrong.
Now Im taking this punishment.
Im so sorry Lynette.
I am still hoping to that day when we would be reunited again.
I wanna see you.
I want to hug you like I always do when I meet you.
I want to kiss you on your cheek and tell you how much I miss you.
I want to hold your hand and tell you how much I love you and that,
It is our 41th month.
Happy dead 41th month lynette.
I love you dearly.

My little "Lynette".

2010-04-04T01:28:00.004+08:00

In this picture,can you spot a similarity?
Somehow,somewhat,they look alike.
And it only make it worse.
Each time I see her(Rishon) in school,my first thought would be Lynette.
Rishon is also my dance crew.
I never to look at her.
I didnt see her as Rishon I swear,but Lynette.
Rishon responded the same when I showed her the picture.
Even her friends agreed.
And she asked me this Q:
"Then if you see me,what do you see?"
I answered,
"You always remind me of Lynette."
How cruel can my life be.
I wish to forget you Lynette.
But these kind of things,these kind of things happen.
Everything I do,is always something about you.
I duno why,but it always happen.
No matter how far you are,I always feel that you are near me.
At times,I look around a little longer hoping you would randomly appear.
The dog tag,the ring...is the most precious stuff with me.
Even though its a small thing,it has alot of meaning.
Lynette,I hope you are fine now with him.
You know,1st April has pass.
I just hope you dun break the agreement even though I have a feeling you already did.
Well,I cant do anything about it.
Goodbye.

You weren't there.

2010-03-28T16:51:00.002+08:00

I was touched when you said you wanted to give a surprise actually.
But I was upset that you could not make it the end for real.
I wasnt in the mood before the dance.
Because of you.
I wanted you to watch me for the last time before we go our own path.
But no,you were not there.
I guess,my life is that miserable.
Dancework taught me alot.
I understand that your eye hurts.
But you could actually go out with him.
He could go to your house and spent time with you.
Unlike me,I cant even go to your house with your parents inside.
I wish to meet them but I cant cos I know they will not be happy.
But for him,they dun mind him going your house.
My hands are dying to hug you.
I want to be with you.
I lovee you so much.
Now is 28th March.
Lynette,why are you so dead?
You dun seem to care about me.

Time is running.

2010-03-26T02:09:00.003+08:00

Lynette,I have noticed you been moody and all.
And when I msg you,you seem to reply so short when I know you are usually long winded.
What happen?
I thought these few days before I am gonna leave you,
We could talk like how we used to.
Cos right now,I feel like youre gone.
But I am just being understanding and patient.
You got a problem,but you wish not to reveal to me for fear that I might get hurt.
Its okay baby.
I am just so sad of losing you,again and its the final.
You may think its stupid for me to do this.
You can have your say cos I know I dun have to do this but I choose to.
Like you said before,you told me on the phone that night.
You said,"You stupid,bodoh."
And I will always believe you.
Cos it has prove me right.
I cried every night,here and there.
Wishing what I could do to make you love me back.
But its useless.
You wont return to me ever again.
Yet,I am still holding on that hope.
Leona told me,if I believe Lynette will come back,she will.
I hopes God answer my wish.
Remember the wish we always wish upon the brightest star?
The wish that we made to marry each other?
Does it still exist?
Hai.
I miss and love you so much.
Its 4 days left before its April.
I dun even know if you are aware.
Just know that down deep,I want you.

Time is short.

Shouldn't have happen.

2010-03-19T22:49:00.002+08:00

Hai.
I duno why I am such a crybaby.
But I am just so disappointed about you.
You say you like this guy and all.
Yet,you still put his pic as his screensaver.
What are you exactly trying to say?
Imran?Randy?
What happen to them?
Whats the story?
I have yet to know everything.
But I dun wish to know cos it hurts.
Believe it or not,I am telling you this again.
I dun msg you or call you,cause the thought of you just hurts me.
Even the mention of you is like a stab to my heart.
Cos it always remind me of you,what you did and all.
Plus now,you got your duno who in your list.
The thought of us can just make me tears.
You know it hurts me when you said it was good that we spent little time.
But I understand,that we are in THIS situation.
Theres so much pain and I am wondering when it gonna end.
(When I know,it will be forever.)
I love you so much still.
You couldnt understand why I went to Lyndra.
There was reason why I did.
But I know you are not gonna believe me.
Cos whatever I am saying now,wont affect you.
Maybe its been 3years long you been hearing the same old thing.
Thats why you dun give a damn about what I am saying.
Even saying I love you to you won't affect one bit.
But when others say it,you be affected by their sweet romance.
Why Lynette?
WHY?!
WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?
Randy,WHY DID YOU TOOK HER AWAY?!

And the last thing that is above all,
The more I care, the worst I could have ever felt.

Congratu-lations Haibrid and Hai Sing!

2010-03-15T00:57:00.002+08:00

Even though we didnt make it to top three,
We won the MOST SUPPORTIVE AWARD!
Thank for the whistle and 'loudspeaker'.
It isnt about winning or losing,its about showing your talent to the world.
Once again,congrats!
WE WON SOMETHING AT LEAST!!!
:D

Happy Dead 40th Month Anniversary.

2010-03-13T00:26:00.003+08:00

First of all,I would to thank my dad.
Thanks for making this wonderful picture.
Thanks for even taking the trouble to make a video of us.
Even though you were unaware of our situation,I am very touched.
So now pop,I have told you what our situation.
I know you had no intention to hurt me,but I am very understand-able son.
Hah.
So Lynette,happy 40th.
Its okay if you were tired.
Cos I know you wouldn't be the first one to wish.
Maybe it wasnt important to you or what.
Its okay.
We are moving on.
And now Lynette,I am sorry that I cried that Friday when we met.
It just hurts me and all when I see you breaking down.
It hurts me that you really love him.
I have only have to point the finger to myself and say I am stupid.
And when you lean on me,I was thinking.
Your hair brushing against my cheeks.
Your warm breath I felt for the past 3years.
Your weight against my shoulder.
It will be gone too soon.
These feelings will never come back.
I cried,knowing well that you will never be mine again.
I cried,when you embrace me in your arms.
I cried,cos I was so touched that you were so nice to me after all those harsh stuff you gave me.
That moment was like when I really know its you.
The Lynette I knew.
I love you so much.
Each time I leave you,I am so scared and sad.
Cos I duno if thats the last time I am seeing you.
Whatever happens,I want you to be happy okay.

I love you.

So I am flirt?

2010-03-07T15:27:00.004+08:00

Okay,so now I realised that I am flirt.
The only time I flirt was when I was with Lyndra.
Seriously,what I am doing with her is call Flirting.
Maybe,I dun even know whats flirting.
So even when I am talking to a girl,I am flirting?
I mean,how do I even flirt?
I have ask some people how is it I am flirting.
And the answer was the was I talk was like I was close to them.
But to think of it,if I am their close friends,and I still talk to them,am I flirting.
Why cant people accept that I am in fact,close to everybody?
But I have to say this.
I am getting annoyed that people keep saying I am flirt.
You know,I just keep quiet but in fact,I am burning inside when you all says Im a flirt.
But I have no choice but to accept the fact.
And now I am trying to stop this action call Flirting.
And I need to know how to not flirt,since I dun not know whats flirting is.
Teach me.

Its you L.

2010-02-20T01:31:00.003+08:00

L,just be patient.
You will soon know it.
Its just a matter of time before you know it will happen.
These past days,after the holidays,I felt I wasnt that important to you anymore.
As you get more open to the world showing off your love,I feels more neglected.
But I know,it has to be this way.
If not,whats the other way?
Everything happen for a cause.
Part of you are right,if wouldnt for you,I wouldnt feel so happy.
At least there were times when I felt loved and were in our own world.
While I know well that things were gonna get back to square 1 or rather,worse.
I fear cockroaches and lizards,but have you ever know my greatest fear?
My greatest fear is to lose you Lynette.
Thats,my only biggest fear and I have yet to face it.
But I know your love for him will only tear us apart.
I dun mind.
As long you are safe in his hands.
I am always uneasy whenever I am by myself.
And each time youre with me,you are like my antidote.
But it doesnt last long.
As soon you left,thats when I my heart sank and wishing we back to those times.
I would always watch you leave.
Cos Im in such a situation whereby I wouldnt know if I would be able to see you again.
Time is crucial.
Time is so precious.
Lynette,I think your thinking of me and my 'girls' is too much.
I dun understand why you think like I am sort of flirt.
But I understand if you hate me for the things I done to you.
But even now?
What did I even did?
Basically,you dun like every single girl I talk to.
I just dun understand.
I wish to come over this.
Even if its my fault,do tell me.
I want to learn from my mistake.
Sorry Lynette,I can promised you we can never be together again.
Even if I want to badly,we still cant.
You have yet to trust me.
While I am slowly,trying to gain yours.
At the same time,I am trying to be flexible with you and be a better person.
Lets say,maybe fate doesnt want us to be together.
But I am hoping,miracles will happen.
Nevertheless,I am still waiting.
But for sure,I want to prove to you I can be a better person and that one day,you will come to realised that I really love you.
You also changed okay,cos your attitude can be rude at times.
You dun seem to appreciate my advice and all.
I wanted to show you that I care for you,but I guess,you were playing along or what.
I duno.
But I want you to know,I really care for you alot.
I know I dun sound convincing to you,but I hope you can trust me someday.

As the wound gets deeper...

2010-02-19T01:51:00.000+08:00

Ignored.

2010-02-17T00:32:00.002+08:00

Well,I guess what I said to wasnt important.
It seem that our 38th anniversary were nothing to you anymore.
Fine.
I shall just keep track of the time and will still wish you.
I do not want to end this "habit".
Its so heart breaking to end this man.
You have already hurt me so much.
Please dun take my life.
I dun seem to like hear any respond from you about our anniversary.
Maybe you are busy.
I duno okay.
I know you want me to get rid of you but I cant.
I dun want.
We been so long together and this is what happen.
I still cant believe it.
And I am repeating this.
I know we are not gonna be lovers anymore but I am still holding on to that dream.
You text me last year.
You said,"We might not be together for now,but maybe in the future."
Future?
I dun think.
Your Randy might be your future still.
Fuck this.
L,I hope you are sincere when you call me or talk to me.
I dun want you to talk to me or what just for the sake of making me happy.
If you are doing just for the sake of making me happy,please dun bother.
I appreciate what you done for me.
But it would be good if you are sincere about it.

God knows when we be back on track again.
)':

My date(s).

2010-02-16T02:06:00.002+08:00

Hey ho.
Wassup.
How did your valentine went on?
Bet you guys had some fun that day.
Yeah.
I hang out with my homies on Sunday.
Afiq,Rahmat and Ashiq,thanks for being my valentines.
If were didnt go out that day,I would sitting at home biting my nails off.
We headed for town and everything was almost empty.
The only shop that was always open was 7-11.
And there were some people selling roses.
Couples roam the area.
If us,we only had Leona.
Haha!
That was Ashiq's valentine.
Anyway,I still enjoyed much.
Had a great time laughing and talking blah blah blah.
Oh yes,Dara and Leon.
They are currently dating.
Grossology.
Why must be Leon?
And now,shes mad at me cos I said something bad about HER date.
Well,I cant be bothered about it.
Call me childish whatever.
I dun like him at all.
Pfft.
Headed for Esplanade as there were some funfair thing.
Reach there 8.30pm.
Woah,that was when the fun began.
There were thrilling rides!
I wanted to ride one but we felt it was not worth it.
So went to slack by the river.
And coincidentally,I met lyndra again!
Gosh,shes a fine flirt.
Hah,because right now....
Afiq and Lyndra are talking to each other!
I purposely introduce them each other, then suddenly Lyndra beside me told me hes hot.
Wow.
HAHAHA!
Lyndra is currently with 13guys.
Amazing right.
Afiq,let me land you in hot soup!
Man,Isham is away in Kelantan.
Feels abit empty and bored without the lil man.
Come back soon bro!
I be waiting~

Hai,Im glad you got somebody now on your valentine L.
I wish I could be yours again,
I wish I could see you that night,somehow.
But I knew I couldnt do that.

Shits.

2010-02-13T14:31:00.002+08:00

Im sorry I couldnt msg you or what.
Cos I am using Isham Iphone.
So yeah.
Im upset that you didnt wish me even though I told you already.
Sigh.
Oh well,guess you are moving on.

Happy 'dead' 38th Anniversary L.

2010-02-13T00:30:00.004+08:00

The title says it all.
So sayang,Happy 38th Month (:
Even though we are in this state,I guess its better than nothing.
I know fully well what I am going through.
Being hurt again and again.
This is for what I have done to you in the past.
I am accepting this even though its harsh and all.
Seeing you are with Randy,it reminds me of the days when I was once yours.
When I was your number 1.
Yet,I didnt learn to treasure.
Well,I believe Randy could be the one to mend your broken wall.
I hope you are happy with him.
Even though this is not what I want.
I cant be selfish enough to steal you away from him or what.
Love cant be forced.
Its time I need you to be free and happy after being hurt for a long time.
I need to think for your happiness.
Its time,where you wont need to be hurt.
You told me,you dun want to be hurt anymore.
I understood.
You just cant bear to go through another one.
You had enough.
So let me just go through this and learn.
And learn to be a better person.
38th.
Thats pretty fast.
We have come this far.
We still have a long way to go.
But I wont be going with you in the near future this time.
Travel your path with your love and treasure him.
Dun turn back k,L.
Cos the hope I been holding on will never be real.
It seems so impossible.
Its time,i find my own path and seek a new life with myself.
And I never hope to meet you halfway.
This hurt,yes.
I love you so very much.
What I regret the most,was that I didnt tell you how much you mean the world to me.
By the time I realized it,it was too late.
I only got myself to blame.
Nvm,its okay.
You happy,Im happy too.
You taught me alot of things.
You taught me to be a better person.
You taught me to save my money.
You taught me to balance my studies.
Most importantly,you taught me how to love.
Im grateful to have you L.
When I had no money,you were there for me to support me.
When I had no food,your hands were the one fed me.
When I had no one else to run to,you spread your arms wide for me.
You took all the harsh treatment I gave.
You are a superwoman.
Really,I only blame myself for not taking care of you well.
You are wonderful.
Lyn,you were my mother,father,friend and a lover.
Its okay that you forgot the date.
I dun expect you to remember it.
I love you.

Randy,you are a very lucky guy.
I fucking envy you.

:'(

2010-02-12T02:02:00.002+08:00

Hey~

Dun like that ok.
I duno what I did wrong.
But it was obvious that it was my action that pissed you off.
Im sorry to say this but I am just being honest.
The way you behave towards me,
You made me feel like I cannot change myself.
I want to.
But I guess,you dun have any hope on me.
Yes its true,I tend to like girls who like me.
Cos,I like the feeling that somebody like me.
But my mindset have change ever since I realise how important you were to me.
Yes,I am close to some girls.
But my feelings are true this time.
I bet you be having doubts still.
I was upset when you said you dun trust me.
Cos now,I am already starting to gain your trust.
You know,I put down the phone cos I didnt want to spoil the relationship.
So I hope you understand.
Dun say I wasnt there for you and all.
I want us to improve ourself and not go through small matters that would affect us.
And I hope,you would one day realised that I changed.
Maybe not for you.
But at least,change for the better?
But I am doing all this just for you and myself.
So,dun be mad k.
Sorry,if I annoyed you or what.
Forgive me.

What you said.

2010-02-10T01:22:00.002+08:00

"You be my boyfriend for the day."
I duno what was my reaction to this,but I like it.
I am not trying to find fault with you.
Its just that what you said to me,
it made me happy somehow.
But somehow,I was quite happy with it.
I must admit it la k.
I enjoyed every second with you.
I know I was being 'used' of,but I just wanted to have the feeling of being happy with you.
I didnt care about anything.
And I want you to know that I studied.
I really studied,just for the sake of you.(I am very proud of that)
I know it seem I am faking cos Im always known to like not study and all.
And my study is just like not that serious study.
But I hope you believe me,when I said earlier on that I did studied.
You got the doubtful feelings right.
Its okay,I hope I could prove to you one day(:
Yay,you fetched me from school.
It felt great.
Hai,and now I am back home here again.
Wishing I could go back to time earlier.
It has always been like that.
It was a boring day I suppose.
We didnt enjoyed much.
But I know riding my bike was a fun thing.
Hah.
Sorry if you were offended in any way.
My schedule is going to be pack this friday.
NCC + CNY Performance.
And theres ngaji,every Friday.
Gosh,how am I suppose to attend it when theres training every Friday?!

My biggest loss.

2010-02-08T01:14:00.002+08:00

I was overcame with regrets and shame after what you texted me.
Thats when I knew how you felt when I 'left' you months ago.
And now,it hit me back.
The same thing which has hit you months ago.
But I guess,you were much in a worse position.
I read your last msg again and again.
To be honest,I myself didnt realize I was such a satan/bastard/whatever you name it.
I can understand by what it means to be faithful.
Cos I was too,trying to be faithful to farah.
But I failed.
And now,its your turn.
But I just cant bear the pain I feel inside.
And I know I have to carry on with the pain as life goes on.
Thats pretty sucky.
But I guess thats nth to do.
I see a pic of you and him.
I must admit,I dun like it cos its so ugly.
At the same time,Im feeling a sense of jealousy.
And I am learning how to control it.
L,you cant tell me what to do.
Its really hurtful to move on.
Yes,it takes time to heal.
But the process is too painful.
Nobody wish to go through it.
But yet,its so unlucky that I have to.
You can say it just like that,cos you are moving on with Randy.
I appreciate that you care for me and all.
But yet,I am still stubborn.
This spoilt brain of mine just want you and you.
All I need is you.
Which,wont fucking happens.
I am too ashamed to carry my shame and regrets along with me.
Sorry for what I had done.
I know nothing can be done.
But im still holding on the rope.
Everyday,I ask myself if theres is ever a chance for us again.
And I know the answer would be NO.
Yet,I still ask myself.
Is like a fact is already a fact,and yet I wont believe it.
L,you are my greatest loss and my biggest love and my longest love.

I love you.

Im missing missng you L.

2010-02-07T22:02:00.003+08:00

I so miss you terribly.
Every weekend,I would wonder what you be doing here and there.
Every weekend,I put my phone away from me.
And I be letting out a sigh knowing that you be enjoying yourself.
And Im here being jealous.
It never ends.
Everyone telling me to let go of you.
But I just cant.
When I am with you,I feel so good.
I forget everything.
I just wanna be by your side all day long.
Till now,I am waiting for the day I long for.
But I know it wont happen.
Well,I already have a plan in mind.
Valentine is coming.
I guess I be spending it alone for the first time.
):

Its okay.

Stress out!

2010-02-07T20:39:00.002+08:00

Okay,this few weeks I am going to get real busy.
Really busy.
Many events are happening soon.

1)Chinese New Year Concert
2)Speech Day
3)Dancework

These events needs lots of practices and even rehearsal!
Plus,those books I need to buy for school.
I am mad with the school teachers for wasting our money.
Some books they also never use.
Then they expect us to buy assessment books.
To make it worse,they always want it asap.
Money is becoming an issue to me nowadays.
I been living on budget usually.
Now I have to raise it even higher.
What a school system we living in.
Great-.-
Back to my busy schedule.
Monday-Dance
Tuesday-NCC
Wednesday-Dance
Thursday-PT
Friday-NCC speech day practice.
So yeah,thats how busy am I.
But to be on the positive side,Im proud that NCC is the Guard Of Honour (GOH) this year!
And everyday,after school I head home which by then I would be tired.
But I can still manage on my studies(:
Goody me.

Numb

2010-02-04T01:15:00.002+08:00

I just feel upset.
Thinking,thinking the dynamics of our relationship.
Sometime,I try to figure out what had made us this way.
Sometime,I blame everything for the cause of it.
Sometime,I blame myself for all the mistake I had done.
I just duno why we had to go this path of road.
Or rather me that has to go through this.
Like lynette,I want somebody who has my back.
Who can love me and support me.
You have Randy.
Me?No one.
By I am not trying to say I want a new girl.
What I am saying is I too,need this affection.
I still love you L.
I always wanted to tell you how I feel and all.
But given your status,I think its safe to just not affect you anymore.
I dun want me to be the problem of you.
I cant move on.
I cannot,and never will.
Call me stubborn if you wish.

No other choices.

2010-02-03T01:23:00.003+08:00

You got to hurt me,L.
Is not that you dun want to.
But you have to.
You have to hurt me for the sake of Randy.
So yeah,I can understand.
I will just be patient and bear the pain till the day I will give up.
Valentine is coming.
This year,shall be the first year I be spending alone.
Yeah,I know I sound pitiful but this is not on purpose as this is an actual fact.
So,I have come up with a plan.
Valentine,I wake up to study.
Then in the night,a drink session.
By drinking,it helps me put off with the misery and sorrow I have.
I can share it with my friends to make me feel better.
At least for a moment,then it will come to me again.
So yeah,its still in a work in progress.
Not confirmed.
Okay la,I gotta crash my bed for now.
I dun wish to say much.
Goodnite peeps.

2010-02-01T20:36:00.001+08:00

"I'm tired of always being there for you and trying to stand up for you and always supporting you in almost everything you do, yet, actually, you can do everything without me and you don't even need me at all."

-Zahirah

Fool.

2010-02-01T16:45:00.002+08:00

Yes,I have been a damn old fool.
Always has been.
It seems like everything I do or say seems to piss you.
You dun seem to be happy with me.
Like I am a nuisance or an annoying pest.
One thing I like to bring up is,
Please dun treat us or me as a thing of the past.
I dun see we are getting better or improving.
Like its still the same as though we were 'together'.
Tell,is this way you treat Randy?
I am not your fucking rubbish bin.
You cant just dump everything at me.
I was there for you when you cried and all.
Then now,you treat me like as though nothing happens and all.
Hey,what am I to you?
This isnt how you treat a friend.
What is this man?
Whatever it is,I dun feel right la.
And yeah,I think you are over reacting when I didnt go to school.
Its like you think I am lazy and whatever I say is just excuses to you.
You dun even allow me to finish my sentence.
Hai.
Never mind.
I shall ignore what you did to me and all la.
Main thing,I want you.
I dun mind being a fool.
Let others say what they want say.
I dun care.
Cos I will always remain a fool for as long as I live.

Thank you accompanying me to the doc even though I told you not to come.
It tear me when you board the bus):

Im on a boat.

2010-02-01T01:57:00.003+08:00

Okay.
My previous was just to let off my anger.
Whatever I said,was said in anger.
So,dun give a damn about it man.
Useless crap.
Yeah,I guess I got to learn.
Learn MORE I mean.
I think,I shall go with what you said.
Being jealous is a difficult task thing to do.
But I shall just close one eye.
I will pretend like I never hear of it or whatever.
I want to talk to you.
I want to see you.
I want to feel you.
I duno why,but I seem like a fool trying to do anything for you.
You made me crazy.
Its okay,I know I am going to get hurt again soon or sooner.
Its just gonna be a cycle for all I know.
You and him,forever.
Me and your problem,forever.
Repeat and repeat till I duno when it end.
Till I die perhaps.
Oh yes,since the accident that almost took my life,I keep wondering why the cab didnt knock me down.
Seriously,it was fucking close.
My legs were shivering.
And I think.
What if it were to take my life?
Why?!
It could been better?
Or worse?
Back to where I was la.
So,yeah I think just go with the flow and see where it leads me.
Hello lynette.
I apologised for that day I was dizzy and ended up calling you and saying I love you and all.
And for the day,I kissed you when I left.
I know I shouldnt have done that.
Never should I do that!
SORRY.

Gosh you.

2010-01-29T23:58:00.004+08:00

I am kinda sick of being hurt on and off.
But I guess I am used to it.
I am happy that we are talking to each other.
At the other side,I hate it.
Cos it feels like when I talk to you,the closer I get to know about you and him.
You cried last night,on the phone telling he was this and that.
And now you told me that youre okay with him.
Fuck,great.
I know this is evil of me.
But I am just a jealousy freak.
Annoying.
I have been telling myself not to talk to you and all.
But still,I did not stick to my words because of you!
YOU!
Its has always been YOU YOU YOU AND YOU!
I duno whats has been happening but part of me is enjoying it.
You cried last night,which broke my heart.
You told me about him last night,which made me pissed.
I couldnt help falling mad at you and him.
Burn in hell man.

Simpang Bedok

2010-01-24T17:25:00.002+08:00

That friday night,I must say I enjoyed myself.
I just wish I could spent longer with you.
It was the first time I get so close to a dog.
It upset me most when I see how you interact with him on the phone.

Sense of hatred

2010-01-22T01:08:00.002+08:00

I have to be honest with myself.
I am feeling a sense of hatred towards you.
I duno why,but for some reason I beginning to hate you.
Maybe Im mad at what you did to me or maybe its about you and him.
Or even better,both.
At the same time,I still do love you and all.
Wild thoughts would be going through my mind the whole thinking what would you 2 be doing alone.
Its driving me nuts.
Its still going to be a long journey till this pain is gone.
I only come to realized that those "relationship" times were over.
Officially over!
Yet,I still cant shake those days on my mind.
Today in school,I been basically sleeping the whole day in school.
I couldnt get myself to focus on my studies.
It wasnt about you.
It was about me.
Pffft,love suck still somehow.
I dun feel like talking to you,seeing your name yet I still look at my wallpaper.
Till now,I didnt forget the msg you sent me.
"We could start anew in the future,maybe."
Maybe,was the word.
I am just waiting and still waiting.
Even though it wont happen.
Sigh.
Helpless.

Teared.

2010-01-21T01:13:00.002+08:00

I took alot of courage to put down the bloody phone yesterday.
It felt like a stab to my heart.
It felt as though I hurt you when I hang up.
You called me today.
I didnt want to answer the first call as I was just afraid.
Afraid of everything.
2nd call,I pick up.
And I got a BIG question to ask myself,
Why am I putting up an act?
I know I am not myself when I am on the phone with you.
I know,I was just trying to show that nothing had happen.
But I know,I cannot escape from this.
And I wonder when I am finally to be my own self back.
Today was a long day.
As usual,every few minutes in class,I took my hp and see your pics.
The night when we first met and I didnt want to let go of you.
But I have to wake up to my senses.
I need to accept the fact,that things is not gonna be okay for us anymore.
And its really hard to accept it when I love you so much.
Hai.
I keep thinking of you and Randy.
Imagining what you two would be in the near future.
The dreams I had of us are crushed.
I so much want to get back to you.
Its not gonna happen right.

Bukan Hidupku.

2010-01-20T01:03:00.003+08:00

Lynette,I know everything.
And today,I am going to be honest and say everything out here.
I knew this was the consequences.
I had dreamt it this and it came true.
The surprise you gave me on the 13Jan,I never regret it.
It was the most happiest moment.
My heart told me that you would come back for me.
You did,which I was hoping for badly.
True enough,you were the present outside my door steps.
Nothing could describe the feelings I felt when I found myself in those warmth arms of yours.
I just wish I could just stay there forever.
Next,we were on a 'relationship' till I forgot about everything except us.
It was heaven.
But deep down,I knew I was down in real shit sooner or later.
But I chose to ignore cos I just wanted to treasure every moments with you.
I knew I was gonna get hurt again.
But I chose to set it aside and to let my empty heart filled with your love while it last.
And now,it has come to this which I expected.
Where the hurting gonna haunt me,even when I am sleeping.
I knew you love Randy more than me.
I could see it.
Maybe,I am the 'old' one while hes the 'new' one.
Thats why you choose him I guess.
I noticed then when you are on the phone with him,you are more calm and comfortable.
While to me,you seem so sian and annoyed.
Your tone was so harsh on me.
Like when you said "What?" on the phone,I was thinking.
Do you treat Randy as how you treat me?
You called me today.
I didnt want to answer,but I did.
All I wanted was to hear your voice.
Cos it helps me feel closer to you.
If you didnt realized,I was in a friendly happy tone.
But it was just an act.
Just an act to make you happy.
Little did you know,I was trying to hide and control my emotion.
I didnt want to show you cos I felt it wasnt polite.
It hurts me,when you said Its good if we wouldnt talk.
To hung up the phone was a difficult task for me as it felt I am letting you go.
For all I know,you treat me differently from the rest.
I get the worse punishment.
Like what you said,its my retribution.
And I accepted it whole heartedly for what I have done to you in the past.
Those feelings you had for me,was only temporary.
You had that feelings cos we lost contacts for a month.
And when we met,those feelings just came.
Now,its all gone.
You are not afraid to lose me cos you have Randy.
You prefer him.
You just wanted me to leave you so that you could pay your full attention to him.
But I understand you,you just want to be faithful.
So be it,go ahead.
I am not stopping you.
I am glad that you have that mindset,but jealous at the same time.
Somehow,I wish I had that mindset back then.
And lynette,you want us to be close friends?
Just look at how we talk on the phone.
Close friends talk,behaves that way?
In that tone?
Just think okay.
And think,if I were to be your close friend,
You bloody know that I will still have feelings for you,
And to watch you having a relationship with Randy,
How would this close friend feel?
I am just crying so badly.
So bad,this is bad.
But Im happy on one side that I learn how to calm things instead of throwing everything on you.
I cant control my feelings as for now.
Everything is pulling me down.
Lynette,I just want to let you know I didnt regret these few days.
I really love those times I had with you I swear.
I wish it could replay back.
Back to where we were.
Right now,as Im crying,I just want you badly.
Real badly.
Nobody seems to wipe the tears for me.
All in my head is just you Lynette.
And it hurts me so much,so much to see you go to him.
I just dun want to let go of you.
I really dun want.
Everyday,I would stared at my wallpaper.
Everynight,I would touch my dogtag and ring and go to sleep.
Just so that I could feel you close to me everywhere.
Well,now I am on my own,I hope everything goes well for you.
Do msg me if anything.
I want to meet you on Friday as it will be the last meeting.
I guess,this is what I got to say.
Take care Lynette.
I love you.

Randy,you took away my everything.

Bad romance?

2010-01-17T15:17:00.003+08:00

These few days were my most happiest moments.
I could sleep easily with a smile.
Interestingly,I had a alot dreams recently that includes you.
One of them was when you left me.
And I woke up,just to find you next to me figuring out my maths hw(:
Till,now I have yet to come to think of a conclusion.
Cos one side of is thinking,that I dun want to let go of this feeling I am loving it while,
the other side is thinking I should leave you cos I know I am going to get hurt again sooner.
So,this is the problem I am facing.
I pity myself for not having a proper relationship.
I hug you,while I see your text from Randy saying I love you.
I could have let go of you,but I didnt want cos I didnt want to loose you again like the way I did before.
I acted a fool and pretended I didnt see that msg.
I pray that my patience will last long with me.
I keep repeating myself,I want be with you and stuffs hoping it will come true.
I remembered when we went out that night,you keep holding my hands.
Sweet(:
So tell me,am I doing the right thing?

13.13.13.13.13.13.13.13.13.

2010-01-16T00:03:00.003+08:00

Happy 38th Month Anniversary.
I am very surprised by how you just came to my door steps.
I was just so speechless and I couldnt even think of anything.
I knew I was happy,but I didnt want to show it.
I wanted to show I was still stronger but I knew I couldnt survive the blow.
When I hug you for the first time,I was so touched.
For so long,I have never felt a real love.
I love every second and moments with you.
That night,how lovely it was.
Sorry for delaying your time as I didnt want you to leave me after we have just met.
How I wish I could rewind back to that night.
Sadly,time had to move on.
Its a pity to have a relationship where I know I have to be prepared to be hurt again.
To know when you are gonna get hurt again,yet you still do it just for the sake of being with the person you love.
I duno how I am going to end it.
But I hope you grow up real soon and learn how to make decision.
I am praying hard to be able to wear the ring.
Things wont go my way I predict.
But it hurts alot when you feel like a secondhand item.
Right now,I just need a good rest and think of a 'better' solution.
Goodnite.
I am left speechless.

I read it.

2010-01-10T03:41:00.002+08:00

I am just waiting for the day that you believed that I am not flirt.
Yes,I am still mad at you.
Very mad.
Till now,you still go to his house.
And duno what fuck.
But its okay.
Its your life,your say.
I cant control you at all.
After what you said to me,I have yet to come to a conclusion.
What you said to me was,speechless.
Dun expect anything good though.
Randy,you are an asshole.

My love for Batam.

2010-01-10T02:56:00.004+08:00

Gosh I am back from Batam trip.
I love it so much):
I kept silent when I came back home to Singapore.
Lots of emotions and value I learn back there in Batam.
Okay,I dun want to end up writing up a composition about Batam.
Thus,I shall just summarize the whole thing.
Batam,an island I shall never forget.
Everything is so much different.
What you see in Singapore,dun expect the same thing in Batam.
Life is so much harder in Batam than in Singapore.
No proper roads and all.
The thing that left me an impact is the visit to the orphanage home.
Seriously,I am wondering how they cope with their lifes there.
With no proper hygiene and all.
Its really sad to see how,as a Singaporean,we dun appreciate things.
Like food.
Sometimes,we complain that we dun like the food and all.
Back in Batam,those children eat everything they could.
Just to fill their stomach.
Plus,we can have a choice of what to eat daily.
They,could only eat what is given to them.
Worse,their food is so little.
They savor every rice cos they know they might not be able to eat again for a long time.
And I am very happy to see them happy with our company.
And I made a close bond with all those children.
Even thought it was hard to communicate with them,at the end of the day,we could feel the close bond I had with them.
It broke my heart to see me leaving them.
I was in the bus and they waved to me goodbye with tears on their eyes.
Worse,they asked me to call them when I am back.
Tell me,how am I suppose to contact them?
As the bus left,they followed us till they couldnt.
I wanted to cry,but I controlled.
Seriously,it was a pitiful sight to see.
And I hope that they are doing good now.
I keep thinking how they are doing right now.
Even now as I am writing down,i am thinking.
We Singaporean should be lucky of what we have and not take them for granted.
So next item came the dinner and dance programme.
Everyone wore their best.
I was all hip hop baby.
I won an award for being the most popular guy in school but I asked Amir to take for me.
HAHA!
Best,the award was a Harris Mug which I broke it in Spore.
Pfft.
Then that night,everyone came to my room to party.
You know,my crib is big!
Hahaha!
So yeah,that was all for Batam.
I wish I could go back there someday.
I miss it so much!

And you duno how much I miss you back there lynette.

Meet me halfway.

2010-01-03T14:19:00.002+08:00

Today is Sunday.
Tmr,Monday.
Which means,school reopen!
I will be seeing students in uniform when I step out of my house.
Pfft,back to square 1.
I hope it be great this year.
Its time to finally say goodbye to 2009 and welcome 2010!
So,once school starts,I wont be able to blog much since I be staying at my Tampines House.
I pray,school will be great.
While I be in school,I duno what you might be doing.
You be having fun out there with him right.
Pfft.
Why does it have to end?
Argh,fuck this.
So to all my readers,I be back again.
So do missed me.
Thank you.

Fuck you,fuck you very very much.

2010-01-02T18:46:00.002+08:00

Great,you spent the new year with him at his house the whole day.
Fuck the both of you very much.
I may not know what you 2 did,but I am telling you that my imagination is running wild.
I hate what you are doing.
I hate you all.
Fuck this.
Somebody,take me away from this feeling.
I wish you didnt exist.
Or rather,WE didnt exist.
Heres a fucking song for the fucking both of you.
Fuck you and screw you.
And,yes I am fucking jealous.

2010

2010-01-02T17:05:00.000+08:00

To all humans,
A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU!
I present you 2010 :D
Lets pray that it might be a good year to get started.
I couldn't help but notice your attitude
You don't have to be like that.
But oh well,guess you didnt change abit.
Its okay.
Its 2010,may you and him have a blessing relationship.
You 2 gonna be happy together and so whatever fuck.
2010,a year where I will be on my studies to push myself to Sec 5 instead of ITE.
So yeah countdown celebration,it was awesome.
I enjoyed myself till I was tired.
First,went to Marina Float for the countdown.
12am,fireworks blast its way through the sky.
And I was standing on the seat,thinking and reflecting.
My only wish,was to have you lynette,by my side.
I still remember 2years ago,we were opposite the Marina float,giving each other a kiss when it was 12am and watching the fireworks together.
That night,I wasnt with you.
I was alone,with my boys.
I only hope that you were near me.
But I only realize that I have forgotten you were spending with your love.
And thats when the saddest part came.
My hair stands on end with the fireworks exploding and the background music with match it perfectly.
Next,they had party which only 18 and above could attend.
Me and my boys started asking people for their tag which indicates there are 18 and above.
With that,we went in and started to dance on the floating platform.
JADAAGS really enjoyed that night.
Especially the freestyle dance off.
Everyone created a circle for anyone to showcase its dance.
Some did Bboy,Some did Shuffle and I did...Popping and locking!
:D
People over there were friendly.
One thing that shock me was when my boys were dancing on our circle space,got this 1 ang moh girl just came to the middle and dance in front of us.
HAHAHA!
We stopped and watched the girl.
Then they joined in.
And she even took Jy cap.
In return,Jy gave her a soft slap to her pussy.
Bastard.
Funny guy.
2.30am,left to meet Isham all.
We were considered a very big group of people.
JADAAGS went to raffles place there and had our drink.
Giam Han,Isham and me went drunk.
I remembered I was being pushed around.
I duno what happen.
But rest assured,I was taken care of by the rest of my boys.
And when I was finally okay,I realized the sky was bright and it was 7am.
So yeah that was it.
Even though,I enjoyed myself very much that day,you were in my mind the whole time.
I wonder,if what you said to me about us is gonna come true one day.

And to my boys,JADAAGS.
You are really the boys.
I love you guys.
We ride together,and lived forever.
Thank you and sorry for creating the havoc I made when I was drunk.
You guys,tsk tsk.
We are the glorious bastard.

2010!

Its coming!

2009-12-31T00:07:00.000+08:00

I WISH TO SPENT THE NEW YEAR WITH YOU LYNETTE):

*Coughs

2009-12-29T13:30:00.003+08:00

Been coughing and coughing.
Life been tough for me these past 2days.
Sick of all this coughing.
Luckily,I got a taste of the cough syrup yesterday which my dad bought.
And,it doesnt taste that bad.
I can endure it without drinking water each time I take a spoonful of the syrup!
Work wonders!
Well,Ashiq called me asking to go for a party at this club.
I duno if I shlould go.
First,I dun really like clubbing cos its dangerous.
Second,I dun like the people there-playboys.
Third,Im having a cough.
Fourth,I duno if Im running short on money!
Im really wish not to go.
So I hope,all my boys will say NO to Ashiq.
Then all dun go.
Hah.
We still got the countdown party-.-
Cant wait.
I pray for a fast recovery!
At the same time,as the new year approaches,
lots of things have been in my mind.
And the 1st thing is YOU lynette.
You may think Im very happy and enjoying myself.
Yes,its true I am.
But its doesnt last long.
I wish it could last forever,but I cant.
Cos when it will all comes down to you.
Like I said,you were my everything.
And I got to admit that when I talk to Lyndra on the phone,I felt I was talking to you.
She made me think of you.
But sadly,it was not the real you.
I want you.
I know you are happy out there.
So be it.
I cant do anything.
Love him as much as you want.
For all I know,we can never go back to where we were.

Feels like shit.

2009-12-28T11:35:00.003+08:00

Well,I am not so happy that both of you are going to each other house.
I am so jealous.
Seriously,fuck this.
And the only thing thats making me more mad is that I cant do anything about it.
Sad to see her happy,
Sad to see me helpless.
I find no peace in myself in which I cant seek it anywhere.
New Year eve,please get me drunk and just be happy for a moment.
I duno what you 2 might do.
But its bothering me.
But I promise you lynette,I will never break the Agreement.

Santa didnt made my wish come true.

2009-12-26T10:41:00.006+08:00

All those guys in the picture,thank you very much for making my day for these past few days.
It had been a hell of a tiring days.
Wake up,go out,come home,sleep.
These are what I wanted.
So that I wont really think of her.
Oh ya,to all the Ang Moh,Merry Christmas hohoho.
So yeah,these few days I enjoyed myself.
But one thing thats bugging me.
I didnt feel right.
I knew,you will still in my heart,
And sometimes,when I go out,I see places that we went before.
And it reminds me of us.
Walking down orchard,I remember the times we held our hands together and laughed.
I know you want to go out with me.
So do I.
But I am telling myself not to.
Cos I know,things wont go the way I wont and I wouldnt want to hurt myself more.
Im afraid of you.
Im afraid of myself.
Its rather a sacrificing task I had to do.
Argh,love sucks right?
I bet you be having a good time now.
All the time when I was out,I kept my eyes look out on a gift I could spent on you.
But nah,whats the use.
Its over.
Made a wish.
It came true,not.
2010 coming,gotta be the most saddest year.
2009 surely leaves a huge bill.

Viva la Jadaags.

I really wish you were by my side.

2009-12-22T09:43:00.003+08:00

You are the girl I love the most in my whole lifetime.
Losing you is like committing suicide.
People keep asking me,"Hows you and Lynette?"
And it only hurts me to even hear your name.
And the answer is what hurts me deeply.
Seriously,I keep thinking of you everywhere.
I see you everywhere.
When I took bus 25,i t reminds me of you.
I see a jersey number 13,its you again.
Its always you.
Everytime you make me think of your pretty cute smile.
But I am sad to say theres no sweet memories left.
Instead,they are bittersweet.
I cant smile thinking back of our past.
Well,I guess you are doing fine now and still waiting for him.

Sack'd dem balls.

2009-12-21T00:15:00.003+08:00

So here we go.
Sup homies.
These days I been living like Batman.
Sleep during the day,work during the night.
But due to some stupid-ness act from some of the staff,we got fired from UniQlo.
Only 2days of earning a living and it went boom!
But I got to admit that it was quite fun during my work.
Met 2 ah lians.
One is the picture above and the other one is the picture below.
Little did I knew that they were friendly unlike me.
So straight and fierce-looking always.
Hah.
Almost every time we end,we would head to the 24hrs lan gaming at Dhouby Ghaut!
Woot.
Thats my favourite part.
Played for 5hrs at $5.
Theres a package.
Cool.
Anyone who want to ton the night call me.
We could make a trip there.
Played L4D 2 and Call Of Duty 5.
COD was seriously cool.
The graphic is fucking real and it gives the real effects of how its like in a real war.
Damn real.
Hai,but now its all over.
No batman work for me anymore.
Gonna spent the night thinking about her again.
Its been long time since we contacted.
Hmm,Im jealous that she finally found her love one.
I dun understand why does it hurt her to lose me when she loves another guy.
She dun understand why we cant be friend.
Well,like what she said,we can never understand each other.
Thats the reason we came to this end.
I gotta thank Isham for getting a job for me,again.
This time,im gonna work with him.
At least,there will be time where I wont get to see her in my mind.
I need something to distract me.
But in my heart,I still cant let go of her.
I remember those words like Asshole,Stupid,Fucker she said to me to collect my bag.
Her attitude,didnt change at all.
I hope you change for the bettter.
Randy wouldnt stand this.
But he doesnt know your true colours.
Nvm,forget it.
Sorry I didnt want to meet you.
I dun want.

Closed.

2009-12-15T19:52:00.002+08:00

Yes,I dun understand you like how you dun understand me.
Nvm,lets keep this simple.
You and me,no more talking and meeting.
You cant talk to me as friend cos I will see it in a different way.
As you can see,I am not able to take it cos I am still in love with you.
While you are in love with other guy.
So,we see in different ways.
I am very hurt of what you said to me.
So thats when I guess things have to come to a point.
I am going to delete you from my hp,email,facebook-everything.
Goodbye.

It just hurt me alot to see the person that I love,loves someone else.

Screw me.

2009-12-14T02:22:00.003+08:00

Sorry?
Nope,its okay.
You wont need to apologize.
Cos its I am the one at wrong.
Girls,they are just like that.
They show to the guys that they are alone and all when actually they are not.
They just wanna make the guy feel she miss him.
Pfft.
Nvm,if it has to go down this way,let it be.
I know you Lynette.
I am very sure that you are gonna wait for him.
Cos I know that you are that kind of person.
I will convinced myself that we will never go back together again.
Stop saying you are being alone and all.
You are not alone.
You have somebody in your mind.
And also,yes gave me a sense of hope at times.
Its not just because you talk to me.
But its the way you talk to me.
Dont you know it hurts me?
Plus,you got Randy and you doing this to me.
Its like you are playing with my broken heart.
Im already broke and you are breaking it into smaller pieces.
Im happy like how you are when we talked.
But at the same time,I am sad.
I talk to you because I couldnt stand being without you.
I want to lose you but I cant bear to.
Which is why,I am very lost now.
I duno how to make up my mind.
Nvm,let time pass by.
Lucky enough to say,I got a night shift job.
I wont be able to talk to you.
That would enlighten me.
At least I wont get that hurt much.
Who knows,we might not be able to meet also.
I hope this would changed.
Cant wait to feel how its like to be like Batman.
10pm-8am work,the rest sleep.
Wake up,go work again.
Perfect.
Take care.

Happy 'dead' 37th Month Anniversary.

2009-12-10T01:37:00.007+08:00

The harder I try to forget you,the more I am loving and missing you.
It is just so hard and really very hurting to have someone you love all the times,to just end everything.
We chatted.
And you talked to me as though nothing happened.
Maybe I am hurt to see that you are okay and all while I am suffering and keeping silence.
Its okay,I am learning to accept that things have to let go.
I read your blog and its all about him.
I felt jealous.
Nothing can be done about this anyway.
I have already told myself,its no hope,no chance.
Its fucking over.
Right now,I am controlling my feelings so hard.
Trying to endure as much as I can.
For all I know,its gonna be a long and slow process.
But at least I am glad I found her old blog.
There are pics of our very young love.
And stories too.
I read,and almost cried thinking how much we had gone through together.
How much I loved you.
How much I hated you.
And how much you love me.
But times have changed.
Things arent the same back then.
I am now moving on.(I guess)
One thing I am not happy is what you are doing to me.
What,you told me he go for camp.
Then you come talk to me?
I am very confused.
I dun want to think that you are giving me hope.
You tell me SO-SO.
But look at what you are saying in your blog.
Its like making myself feel that we would get back together again.
I hate this.
I dun want to feel this way.
Wait for him for all I care.
I shall just keep silent I guess.
You know,I felt very happy when we talked.
I was really very happy.
But at the same time,I didnt know if Im doing the right thing or not.
I would regret if I didnt talk to you and be hurt,I would also regret if I talk to you and get hurt.
And so in this kind of situation,nothing can be help but to face it.
Cos in any other way,I am still going to get hurt.
There is no other escape.
Which pretty sucks.
Lynette,I duno what you are really are.
You always make me disappointed over and over again.
And you dun even seems to realize it.
Nvm,you wont even bother.
So yeah,happy 37th month.

Upset,Confused,Happy,Depressed,Jealous,Desperate,Love,Hatred.

2009-12-09T02:20:00.004+08:00

These are the feelings that is running in my mind.
I duno which one am I feeling.
Pfft.
Its amazing that the woman I love so much can be the one that hurts me so much.
Oh gosh,I feel damn terrible.
Life isnt good for me if I have to think about it.
All this time,I depend myself on Lynette.
Even though I told myself and everybody I was independent.
But that was just to a brave front to show that I am just strong.
In fact,I am just so timid and small and a coward.
Without her now,I feel like a loser.
She must be happy that she has someone else to be her wall to support her.
While I am here being a good-for-nothing.
Helpless.
Thats what defines me.
But I know that life still have to go on without her.
Guess,I am going to suffer a very slow and long torture.
Wonder how am I gonna face it.
Hmm,I think shes having a good time now with him.
She might be moving on with him by now.
Talking to him on the phone every night like how we used to.
Laughing at every joke he makes,missing him.
Telling each other how much they miss and love.
Saying all those "I love you".
And whats next?
Sex?
Hug?
Kiss?
It will all happen soon.
The pics we had last time,I will see him on her pics.
You know,its hurts me alot when that day I was on the bus with her.
And he called her up while I sat beside her as I see her laughing and enjoying on the phone with him.
Thinking back,I knew she didnt treat me the same way as how he treat her.
I felt I was invisible.
Jealousy conquered me,but I kept my cool.
I didnt want to repeat my mistake by being rough to her.
I am glad I have some good friends who could made my day.
But I wish it didnt end cos I knew I would be back thinking of you and all.
This.is.life.
I shall end here and wait for further torture.
Goodnight.

Love sucks.

Choices.

2009-12-07T14:54:00.001+08:00

Sup fans.
So yeah,these few days was a bad one.
First,I left her.
Second,I suffered a very bad cold and cough.
Third,she was on my mind every single moment.
Its like,everything reminded me of her.
Yesterday,while waiting for the train to work,I met this girl who look like her.
I kept staring at her till I forgot to board the train.
While looking at her,I was thinking.
Thinking of the past.
Everything we had done.
I wanted to approach her,but at the same time,I didnt.
The door close and left.
And I was left confused at the platform.
Right now,I guess she must enjoying herself with him.
He has a car.
He could be driving her around without making her parents worried cos they know him.
Even at nights,they could have fun.
Lifes good for her.
Yeah,as I am saying this,I am jealous.
Or rather envy.
To see your loved ones enjoying themself while you are not is terrible.
Nvm,I shall just be patience.
I know times will never be good for me.
But I am growing up.
Its time I step off and take things to myself.
Its true Life is a choice,but it doesnt sucks when you choose the RIGHT choice.
Take that and crank it.
I choose this path and I will have to live with it.
Theres nothing left to say.
Few days have pass yet it feels so long.
Thats why I told you suckers,love sucks.

Live and let live.

2009-12-04T19:10:00.001+08:00

Like you said,everyone is different.
I cant do the same like what you did cos it will only hurt me further.
You wont be losing me,just that I will be missing from action for a long period.
Plus,you dun really need me at this moment right.
You have Randy.
And I am sure Randy doesnt like it if you talking to me and at the same time,having an affair with him.
So in other words,I am helping you focus on one guy;Randy.
But,msg me if you want.
And I cant promise if I will reply back.
If you got problems,God Willing that I am there for you.
You could tell me the truth earlier and maybe I would at least prepare.
Nvm,its okay.
Its over.
Please bear in mind of the BIG favor I ask you.
Wish you 2 luck.
Happy Ending.

Birthday Chalet at Aranda.

2009-12-03T15:22:00.000+08:00

My primary school girlfriend.Haha!

So here I am.
I am suppose to go to my Tampines house.
But since its raining,I shall wait for further instruction.
And while waiting,I decided to do a recount on the chalet I had yesterday.
It was Janice,Arthur and Yin King birthday.
Plus,it was not just a normal birthday chalet.
In fact,as I see it,it was more like a gathering!
I met long-time-no-see primary school friends.
Patrick,Jack,Elias,Janice,Weiling and many more were there!
Okay,this is it.
You know,most of us usually when we have a chalet,we dun have plans and we usually just go with the flow.
Which sometimes,make us bored.
But surprisingly,the HI people,who are less unfortunate,are very organized.
They had a meeting at the end of the day.
Which I find it very impressive to me.
So it all went all.
Played games and all.
I love it!
At the same time,I am trying to encourage them to talk and use their Hearing Aids to hear instead of Sign Language.
I am also proud that they learnt to be independent.
Its a good thing.
So they dun really have to depend on somebody.
At least,they have the courage to do so.
Alright,its time.
I gotta head back to Tampines.

Beat it!

2009-11-29T04:00:00.001+08:00

:D

I am happy for you!
My mind is at ease,finally.
Take care and enjoy your stay in Jarkata!

Freedom.

What are you?

2009-11-27T03:04:00.000+08:00

You hug me for the jacket that I bought for you.
I couldnt think of anything.
I deleted the pics of me cos I wanted to.
No use keeping a pic of me since we are already done.
I feel so upset when you hug me.
Hai.
Learn a lesson fools.

Love sucks.

That's why I am repeating this:Love Sucks.

2009-11-25T04:37:00.001+08:00

To:Lynette

I guess this is has come to end.
Everything I hope for,
Everything I wish for,
Everything I long for,
Didnt come to what I wanted.
Instead,it all come down to an end.
It didnt go the way I wanted.
Never would I knew that it will all go this way.
Everything crashed,dead and gone.
I have so much things to tell you.
All those hopes and chances I gave,you turn it down.
Been patience for all these times.
We werent made for each other.
I have to open my eyes and accept it.
All the things I did when I mistreated you,
When I neglected you,
When I told myself to hate you,
I did it for a purpose.
And I regret my actions.
I should have tried better and learn my mistakes.
Seriously,I regretted it so much.
You want us to be friends,
But I dun want cos it will only hurt me again.
You were my true love.
I wanted you back cos I know you were the only one for me.
It was only you that I can feel myself right.
You were the only one that I would be happy with.
Even though we went through lots of shit.
And now,I am lost.
After what you told me,I finally see my real image of myself.
I thank you for what you said to me.
I thank you for telling me straight to my face.
It was like a slap on my face.
But I had to learn what I was really am.
I am inhuman.
Yes,I am really am.
And now,I am lost.
I have to pick myself up.
Thats why we fall.
I know its too late for me to say anything right now.
Nothing can be done.
You ownself said it,"its too late".
Its gonna be long tough ride.
But I am gonna try my best to reach the top.
Even though its late,I would like to say I am sorry for what I have done to you.
Like I said,there was a cause that I did it.
I feel very stupid.
Its over.
I am gonna have my own path to walk.
Our very young love,its all comes to an end.
Okay,I dun want to say anymore further.
It doesnt feel right to say it here.
Take care.
13/11/06

Dara,you are a nice girl.
But I am just not ready.
I dun want to be in love.
I hate myself.
Please,I need to clear my mind.
I am not the kind of guy you think I am.
Sorry.

Memories got me thinking how life in the past was so BEEP!

2009-11-23T02:45:00.000+08:00

Sup fans.

*What you are about to read is nothing personal.
Its just how I am feeling.
It does not mean anything.

So yeah,here it goes.
Hah.
I just came upon this song Beep by PCD.
And also,talking to Jun Yuan on msn.
We started talking about the past which really makes me wanna talk about it here!
Hahahaha!
This song,as far I can remember reminds me of my sec 1 time.
Secondary 1!
LOOKY!

Very gross right?
Yeah,extremely.
That boy(Ammar) was made to dance!
Worse,dance to the song BEEP!
And that time,I wasnt a dancer at all.
I was a soccer freak!
Hehehe.
And I like HER that time.
Only Jun Yuan and God knows how much I loved HER badly.
But luckily,at that sec 1 time,God was on my side :D
God made her my dance partner!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
It was exactly what I always wanted.
So I had a dance crew.
A noob crew.
It consists of Me,Zulqarnain,Zahira,Syafiqah,Syafarah and Aisyah the manager.
Pretty lame but pretty awesome people.
So it goes down to me and her,Zul with Syafiqah and Zahira solo.
We were to dance for the DANCEFLOOR competition which was organized by my school.
So creating steps for like 3weeks plus and sweating hard for the 1st prize.
The reason why the song Beep reminds me of all this was because Beep was part of the dance song.
There was this part,where she had to touch by my collar and swing it.
Haha,the first time we did,I was very nervous.
I was most worried that my collar had my sweat!
I guess she was to disgusted to touch it at first.
But slowly,things went well.
There were times when I was pretty cocked up.
Times when I complaint that the steps were lame.
Times when I fought with Aisyah for being such a bimbo.
Times when I almost wanted to give up but did not cos I wanted her.
And the time now is 3.32am.
Okay,random/weird,whatever you call it.
So the time has come.
It was during the Hai Sing Carnival.
I remember,Zahira and farah getting stucked inside the Malay Room and couldnt get out.
And when it was finally open,I saw them crying while I was smiling at them adoring how cute can they be.
Hahaha!
So change to our costume.
It was so gross.
I still remember I was wearing a white shirt with Logo of FOX infront.
And a pants.
Simple enough not to impress the judges.
Done,we took the stage and won....the 3rd prize.
$200vouchers of Macdonald I think.
And we werent happy with Aisyah cos she took the most share.
She did nothing but talking.
Pfft.
After the dance,we decided to celebrate by having fun going to the Haunted Dungeon in our sch.
Headed that.
Farah was in front of me.
It was dark and I accidentally keep touching her back and she need to shout at me.
Cant be blamed!
Haha!
And soooo,the story hasnt end yet.
The worse has yet to come.
Next day,during D&T,Aisyah came telling me I was a playboy.
I remembered it very clearly,Playboy.
She told me I touch her here and there.
Nonononononono bitch.
I *beep* didnt touch her,anyhow.
It was a *beeping* accident!
So yeah,here it ends.
Thank you.
*Beep* you!

When I realised holidays are getting boring!

2009-11-20T01:51:00.000+08:00

Hey ho ha!
Finally done with my morning peeps on MSN.
So yeah,Ima blog here.
Which is why its called a Blog.(Am I nuts or something?)
I be having NCC Graduation Ceremony later at 9.45am.
After 4years,I am totally done with this shit.
I am sad to say,the discipline and standard in NCC has drop alot.
Remember the times where there would be a Sir always watching us.
Now,its gone.
All fuck up.
Cadets dun respect their ranks.
Me,used to be a cadet who was so into NCC.
I put my heart and sweat in it as I love this CCA so much.
And when things began to fuck up and bias,things werent good for me.
All hard works were gone to waste.
My dreams were not achieved.
So,I shall pass out with a rank of 2nd Sargent later.
At least,I thank God that I did what I had to.
Memories my cadets.
I pray things will improve in the future.
For those lucky ass,you get to try the SAR21 instead of M16.
Congrats.
Holidays are beginning to dampen my mood for anything.
All I long for now is to work at least 3times a week and spent the money on what I need.
Had a convo with my boys,and I invented a new word;Banglapush.
Sound kinda funny but I like it.
Haha!
Well,things are not going on well for me.
My sleepings aint that good.
I sleep late,woke up late without knowing what to do.
Its kind of like I am leading a wasted life.
Nah,I dun want that homie.
I want everyday to be HIP!
Thinking about love...it does suck so much.
Love is the most destructive object in this world.
I hate it.
All I am thinking is HER.
Boredom is killing me.

Movie Review on 2012.

2009-11-13T20:27:00.000+08:00

This is real "IT"!
This is so damn mega action pack!
With lots of emotional dramas and thrilling ride!
You wont stay seated in your seat I swear.
Cos there is one part,where a plane was flying rather low and it need to fly up higher.
Mind you,the plane is big.
And so,I was kinda like move out of my seat hoping they make it to the sky!
Hah.
Great visual effect.
It look so real that you can actually feel it.
Its like you are watching the future.
This movie is 2hrs which actually gives you a sense of satisfaction after the whole movie.
So I dun see why people should not watch that movie.
A-MUST-WATCH-MOVIE!
I am giving this movie a full star!
So tmr,i am going to watching it again!
One thing,watch how actually they really made the whole thing.
Even small details was very clear.
You can actually see how people are trying to get alive.
Its very exhilarating!
With that,I end my review.
I cant say anymore to actually spoil the whole thing.
So watch it!

Wait your turn-Rihanna!

2009-11-10T00:49:00.000+08:00

You gotta hear to this.

Once a bitch,always a bitch.

2009-11-09T23:06:00.000+08:00

Just finish watching Rihanna's interview on 20/20.
Even she agree with me.
In the last part,she said "F love"
Which means,Fuck Love.
Man,just look!
After watching her video,I am ashamed that Chris Brown,who is 1 year younger than her,could actually beat her up.
Even he went to the extent whereby he bit her left ear.
Ouch,thats gotta heard.
I myself half deaf like that.
If I kena bitten like that,habis la!
Poor Rihanna.
Will love you always.
You made a strong messages to the reputation of women.
I said women,not BITCHES!
So this is where I start.
2days you didnt contact me and you called it an achievement.
I see those comment,most of them said that you shldnt really bother me.
So why the fuck dont you listen to them.
You told them I am stubborn.
Dun you think you are being stubborn too?
We just cant make it you understand.
I know its been 3years.
So what?
You rather been in pain for all these years?
Dun be dumb.
We can never make it.
To be together is like breaking the world record.
I repeat,we can NEVER be together.
Cos I know,we will only hurt each other.
Plus,just look at us.
Look at our state.
We dun even look serious.
Looking at you,I dun even have the feeling that I can trust you with all those guys around.
Fuck you and love.
Bitch!

Don't be in loved.

2009-10-29T00:55:00.000+08:00

Yo sup.
I am nigga rolling on the Benjamins!
Have started working last Sunday.
Only thing on my mind is money money.
And I can spent spent on dough.
And is how I roll though.
Without having the thought of having to spent the money on her you know.
All this while,been thinking alot of things.
Since I am single,I shall treat myself to a hell of feast!
Nikon D5000 is my first in the list.
I am gonna get that or die trying.
Uhuh,then get me some shoes to shine.
Shirts,which women will like that.
A pair of baggy loose jeans which my pump my looks.
Young bloods gonna like that and get on my booklist.
But no,love sucks.
I pity those suckers who are worrying about their loves one.
Dun think your life change because of love.
Cos it will only bring you down down down,to your knees.
The feeling of love is just off the list,not off the hook.
To all my singles,just enjoy the time with your homies.
Dun waste your time on any pussy.
And you will realised that you will like that cos I like that.
Cos in the end,you did not hurt anybody and most importantly,YOU did not get hurt in the process!
Hah!
We should be like Gangstaa G-Gangsta.
Run like how D-O-Double G runs it.
Be cool my friend.
To the words of the late Bruce lee,"Be like water,my friend"
Right now,I am just chilling and moving on.
A free bird!
Dun brat on it.
Overheard Sec 3 express gonna turn up for Gala night I guess.
Oh well,that sucks.
I am posting this cos I feel like I gotta say something.
So yeah,this is all.
Thank you and peace out.

2009-10-27T14:17:00.000+08:00

I want to apologise to those people who I misunderstood.
To those who was insulted or hurt by me,I am sorry.
Its over and I do not wish to say about the past.
Those fellows have start their new lives together and I do not want to bother them,ever.
I dun give a fuck about them.
And,I didnt know you were like that man.
Kinda ashamed.
Pfft,whatever.
So,people,we got to live happily.
Thank you.

No more you-Akon

2009-10-27T14:14:00.000+08:00

Konvict (Konvict)
Ohhh, ohh, ohh, ohh

Just one look in the mirror
And I know I don't look the same being alone
I don't walk the same without you on my arm, I lost my charm
I don't know how I made it before
Cuz you are my future for sure
And now that it's over I dont know how I'm gonna get by

Chorus:
With no more you x2
What am I gonna do?
with no more you
To see me through,
with no more you
What am I gonna do?
with no more you
Can't believe there's no more you

I look at my passenger side
And there's nobody to ride with me for life
It feels like the end, I lost my friend
I can't sleep at night,
Because your side ain't occupied
The hurt in my eyes, won't go away
I'm in so much pain

Chorus:
With no more you x2
What am I gonna do?
there's no more you
To see me through,
with no more you
What am I gonna do?
there's no more you
Can't believe there's no more you

Don't know if I can make it or not
Everybody sees that I'm going through a lot
It's hard being alone,
When you used to be on top
Call for you, there's no more you
I stop for a minute then I pinch myself
I can't believe I'm here by myself
I can't do anything without your help.
Call for you, there's no more you..Ohhh

Chorus: (x2)
With no more you
What am I gonna do?
there's no more you
To see me through,
with no more you
What am I gonna do?
there's no more you
Can't believe there's no more you

No more you
What am I gonna do,
there's no more you
To see me through,
No more you..
What am I gonna do,
there's no more you
Can't believe there's no more you (x3)

Done.

2009-10-18T13:13:00.001+08:00

HAPPY ENOUGH?
Nobody knows anything now.

Nightmare.

2009-10-16T12:37:00.000+08:00

This is so difficult.
I been having bad dreams.
In my dreams,I saw you with another guy.(I dun want to mentioned who).
Every night before I sleep,I would always think of you non stop for a few hrs.
I see you everywhere.
Everything reminds me of you.
Been acting strong but I knew inside me,my heart is weak.
You are my weakness.
I hate to go through this part.
For now,I can only think that LOVE sucks.
Causing me great pain.
I duno what made me so crazy in love with you.
And to make it worse,I did not had any chance with you at all.
I know you are avoiding me.
Go ahead.
But i am still waiting for thee explanation.

Cold by Chris Brown

2009-10-15T01:34:00.000+08:00

Damn I want ma baby back
It's so cold without her (Cold without her)
She's gone
Now I'm alone no one to hold on
'Cause she was the only one
And I know I was .. deadly wrong ..
But if you-u-u if you-u-u
See her
Ask if she will forgive me

If u ever see her
If u ever need her
If u ever get the chane to sit down and talk to her

Let her know it's so cold
It's so coold [2x]
Here without her
And tell her I miss her
Tell her I need her
Tell her I wanna
I really wanna her to come back home
Back to keep me warm
Tell her I'm sorry
I'm really sorry
Can u forgive me
Please forgive me
And come back home
Keep me safe and waaarm

Oooowo

Damn my baby really goone
I don't know if she's comin' home
.. my love locked I'm fucked up ..
I know
Tell me what to do
To get her back (Oooowo)
Back were her heart belonged
Been gone from me too long

So if you-u-u
See my boo-o-o
Please can you-u-u
Can you tell her
For me

If u ever see her
If u ever need her
If u ever get the chance to sit down and talk to her

Let her know it's so cooold
It's so coold [4x]
Here without her
And tell her I miss her
Tell her I need her
Tell her I wanna
I really wanna her to come back home
Back to keep me warm
Tell her I'm sorry
I'm really sorry
Can u forgive me
Please forgive me
And come back home
Keep me safe and warm

All them girls across the world
You know you gotta be my girl
All them girls across the world
You know you gotta be my girl
All them girls across the world
You know you gotta be my girl

If u ever see her
If u ever need her
If u ever get the chance to sit down and talk to her

Let her know it's so cold
It's so cold [4x]
Here without her

I am dedicating this song for you.
I know its useless.
But at least give me time,to move on.
I Love You.

Already Gone.

2009-10-15T01:21:00.000+08:00

My last wish didnt get granted.
As you know this last wish is really very very important.
I guess you didnt give a damn about it.
Now,I know what you want.
But do you have to do it this way?
DO YOU?
All I wanted was a happy ending,girl.
Thats all.
Is that difficult?
One last moment.
One last time.
Why couldnt you listen to me for one last time?
I am still waiting for your explanation.
Stop avoiding me.
Step out and tell me truth.
Everything.
Even if you did wrong,tell me so.
Its better to know now.
And my heart will rest in peace.

24hrs.

2009-10-12T00:54:00.000+08:00

Wow.
In just awhile,you gonna be poof!
I am very scared to see you.
I am afraid I hear things that I dun want.
I am afraid things would go wrong.
Too many things are going inside my head.
And making the right decision is just too painful.
Either way,has an impact.
Please.

48hrs

2009-10-11T17:48:00.000+08:00

Time is running short.
I had a wonderful dream last night.
In my dream,you text me.
And those words made my day as I remembered.
'Te Amo' was what you texted me.
And I woke up the next thing,to find myself it was just a dream.
I am thinking,what worse could it be.

72hrs.

2009-10-10T01:56:00.000+08:00

Praying hard that what you said is not true.
Argh.
I really duno whats happening.
........
Pffft.
I just wanna ask WHY!

Hate what ya doing.

2009-10-06T19:48:00.000+08:00

You told me not to assumed anything.
Yes I did.
But your action is making me hard to believe anything.
And you are just making it harder each day.
Worse,in this situation,there is no right or wrong.
I saw what I did not wanted to.
Im here,thinking the best solution or rather,the right decision.
I dun want to make any wrong decision and regret it later.
I am ver scared.
Very scared and sad.
Spare a minute to just think how I feel.
Please,I dun even dare to look at you.(Except behind)
Let alone to meet you.
I myself,a man is even have to think again and think thousand time before I decide to call you.
Cos the only reason is you.
You.

I am waiting.

2009-10-01T13:08:00.000+08:00

Its been long.
I shall wait.
At the meantime,I found this song that could explain how I'm feeling.
Once again,it tears me again.
I know I am crybaby.
Well,true men cry right?
I miss you.

Lyrics:
You're everything I thought you never were
And nothing like about you could've been
But still you lived inside of me
So tell me how is that

You're the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I loved and not forgive
And though you've break my heart
You're the only one

And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can't erase the times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now I hate you its pains me to say
I know I'll be there at the end of the day

I don't wanna be without you babe
I don't want a broken heart
Don't wanna to take breath without you babe
I don't want to play that part
I know that I love you but let me just say
I don't wanna love you in no kinder way, no no
I don't want a broken heart
I don't want to play the broken-hearted girl
No broken-hearted girl
I'm no broken-hearted girl

There's something that I feel I need to say
But up 'til now I've always been afraid
That you would never come around
And still I wanna put this out
You say you got the most respect for me
But sometimes I feel your not deserving of me
And still you're in my heart
But you're the only one

And yes there are times when I hate you
But I don't complain
Cause I've been afraid that you would walk away
Oh but now I don't hate you I'm happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day

I don't wanna be without you babe
I don't want a broken heart
Don't wanna to take breath without you baby
I don't want to play that part
I know that I love you but let me just say
I don't wanna love you in no kinder way, no no
I don't want a broken heart
I don't want to play the broken-hearted girl
No, no, no broken-hearted girl

Now I'm at a place I thought I'd never be, ooh
I'm living in a world that's all about you and me, mmm yeah
I ain't got to be afraid, my broken heart is free
To spread my wings and fly away, away with you,
Yeah yeah yeah, oh ohh...

I don't wanna be without my baby
I don't want a broken heart
Don't wanna to take breath without my baby
I don't want to play that part
I know that I love you but let me just say
I don't wanna love you in no kinder way, no no
I don't want a broken heart
I don't want to play the broken-hearted girl
No, no, no broken-hearted girl
Broken-hearted girl, no, no
No broken-hearted girl
No broken-hearted girl

Missing you.

2009-09-26T03:36:00.000+08:00

If you're reading this,
I want you to to know how I sincerely feels about you.

"What we had then was good,
What we had now was great.
What we always have is each other and that,
is something that will last forever."

"I love you more than any word can say.
I love you more than any action that I take.
I be right here loving you till the end."

You wont believe that these actually moved me to tears.
Where is the love baby?

Wazzup Party at Youth Park.

2009-09-13T01:35:00.000+08:00

WAZZUP!
Finally,a weekend I enjoyed!
Woot.
We went for the Wazzup Party and was slapped with laughter!
Supposed to be there by 2pm by we ended up there at 4.30pm plus.
Haha.
So we only get to the Cadbury Advertisment Challenge.
There was this Afro guy who won and came up to us and urged to sign up for Wazzup thingy.
We signed up,got a goody bag and a FREE movie ticket.
Whats more,it last till 15Oct 2010!
Cool shit huh!
Then after that,got Style Of Beyond perform.
You know what?
I mistake Style of Beyond for the rappers from USA.
Instead,they were a dance crew.
Oh gawd.
But at least they gave us a good performance!
Vouchers were given out free but you have to perform something.
My clique kinda forced me to dance,but I dont want!
The host wanted breakdance!
I aint good it?
So yeah,sad.
But I really wanted to go on stage and get a hold of the vouchers!
$40vouchers for I duno-what.
Nvm,chances will come again.
And after,they was a lucky draw.
The best part is this:
ASHIQ WON THE TOP PRIZE!
Which was a fucking Samsung touch screen hp!
I needed that!
I had a hp which has been with for the last 2 sickening years!
Damn!
When they announce the name,I was confident that I was gonna win!
Host:The price goes to....Mohd/Muhd............ASHIQ!!!
Thats when I slap myself.
I wanted to get that phone!!!
Well,its just luck.
Then!
The host told Ashiq to breakdance!
HAHAHA!
This was hilarious.
Cos the only Ashiq good at is RUNNING.
Dun worry people.
I got the video uploaded at FaceBook.
Go check it out.
And the whole thing ended with Sleeq singing to 4songs.
Syafiq(member of Sleeq) pointed at my JABBAWOCKEEZ shirt!
And I am proud to say my JABBAWOCKEEZ shirt bought much attention to the environment.
Headed to Cineleisure and I bought a cool shade.
I call it the Cyclop Shade.
Pretty 'Future' thang!
And made friend with the owner of the shop who was also interested in JABBAWOCKEEZ.
His name was Crow!
Sounds nice.
Buka at this Indian Restaurant.
Ate 2thosai and 3drinks.
Lastly,went Orchard Ion where Afiq claim it was his crib!
Haha,rubbish.
Talking about Afiq,he tried to befriend this Ang Mog girl.
But it turn out,she couldnt speak English!
HAHAHA!
Poor thing.
But seriously,she was hot.
Uhuh,love today.
End of the night,it was a good night!

My Cyclop Shade!

y

2

The mother of all trading.(Lame)

2009-09-12T01:16:00.000+08:00

THIS IS FOR YOU!
Located at N2 Tampines.

Head out.

2009-09-12T01:03:00.000+08:00

Rahmat told me that theres a pochong in my school,Hai Sing.
We were looking in through the fences.
Then he just shouted OH SHIT.
And the next thing I knew was I turn around to look and started running!
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!
I didnt look at it.
Because...I didnt see anything.
Besides,Pochong and Pontianak are my greatest fear.
I swear I will run if I see these 2!

A Great Saturday Night with a Jabba Fan.

2009-09-07T22:01:00.000+08:00

Yo amigos.
THE JABBAWOCKEEZ SHIRT HAS FINALLY LANDED ON MY HAND!
I took it from her and started smelling.
Woot!
I couldnt like express my feelings out LOUD especially when theres Jia Xin looking.
So I waited untill I went to the cinema and shouted out silently with my cap covering my face.
(Jia Xin didnt noticed)
HAHAHAHAHA!
I am bloody happy!
So right now,the JABBAWOCKEEZ shirt is nicely hanging at my drawer.
Plus,in the envelope is not just the shirt.
Theres a sticker of JABBAWOCKEEZ!
SO DAMN NICE!
Double surprise huh.
Well,I met her and we watched DanceFlick.(To be continued)
I shall do a review here then.
For those who loves Scarymovies,Epicmovies,Meet the Spartans etc,Danceflick might just be the thing for you.
The concept is the same.
In this movie,they took from Step up,HairSpray,Stomp the Yard,Twilight and High School Musical.
As usual,the Wayans Brothers are in it!
Haha!
I can say that the movie is quite hilarious.
But in my view,the movie is rather ridiculous.
You see all sort of unbelievable acts.
And also,the story is always mixed up.
To those who are hoping it will be very funny,you might be little disappointed.
As I have said earlier,its quite hilarious.
AFTER THAT.(Continued)
We wanted to eat but realised that we were not that hungry.
So we went to some playground and slack.
Took some photos,did some dancing and finally we settled on some bench.
The best part was we could talk and talk and talk!
Here are the things we talk about:
.Religion
.Our past when we both were together(Haha!)
.Sex?
.Dance
I guess thats all?
Cant remember some more.
Jia Xin,dance for me the Nobody routine one day.
I like it!
Like really one of the Wonder girls.
Sexay!
Haha.
And I like the joke of the night,when she said about the Masturbation thing.
I shall do that one day on you guys!
HAHAHA!
Check our time 12am.
Decided to ton.
Also,we were talking about Lynette.
So far,this are the punishment I received from Jia Xin:
.4 star jumps
.Several hard punches
.A pinch on my thigh and hips.
Jia Xin,you lame oki.
I learnt that shes also scared of cockroaches which I am also.
Hah!
Alright,we chatted untill 2am as she had to go home.
Early man!
But at least I enjoyed myself.
Alone,I went to Mac for my PeeShow.
And guess what?
Speak of the Devil!
When I out of the toilet,Lynette was standing right in front of me.
WTF!
I find out that she was with a guy.
Couldnt care less.
I headed home next.
The interesting part was I walk home from AMK hub to Mapherson!
REALLY!
It took me 2hr30mins(2am-4.30am) to reach home.
With 6ciggs,I blow out 4ciggs as I walk.
I took no short cut,instead extra miles indeed.
My handphone didnt black out despite the batt was 0% left.
Hahaha!

This is my share of popcorn which contains about 10corns.
Brilliant.
That is what Jia Xin suggested.

FED.

2009-09-06T18:11:00.000+08:00

FUCK YOU!
Get the message loud and clear.
Roger that.
Over.

Hahaha.

F*** OFF!

2009-09-04T03:06:00.000+08:00

Why cant just you leave me alone!
I am terribly sick of you.
I had enough of you.
You are just darn f*****g stubborn and dumb.
Your thinking is senseless.
I repeat,SENSE.LESS.
Pure stupidity.
Just get away from me.
Dun keep appearing any more.
Cos I gotta say I HATE YOU!

Run this Town by Jay-Z feat Rihanna and Kayne West.

2009-09-04T00:38:00.000+08:00

Watch this shit.
Coolest video so far.
Rihanna sucha bomb.
Love her new hair and everything!
She has a new stlye.
I love the way she act in the video.
One word:Rebellious.
She even point a middle finger at one part of the video.
Those who havent watch,get your eyes lock on it.
A very cool video.

Know me down.

2009-09-03T16:52:00.000+08:00

Im sad to say,I didnt get my shirt today.
Couldnt meet her today so I couldnt see,touch or smell my Jabbawockeez shirt.
Im feeling ):
I want my shirtttttttt please.
To my Jabbawockeez shirt,please wait for me yeah.
I be there for you...soon.

Countdown :6hours

2009-09-03T00:28:00.000+08:00

Guess what?!
%#%&%&**^*^^(&*&)&(*^
&^%&^%&^%&^%$&*%%%*%*%&%&(%&$^!$@#^$$!
amp;*%%%*%*%&%&(%&$^!$@#^$!
t&$^t*tq#t&$^t*tq#$&t#*t$(!
amp;t#*t$(!
q@y$y$#!q&tr%&q#t$!#(&yt(#&y!#(*ry!#(*
q(#*%y(#y%(q#*y%r(&(&#qrg(&r#ty$(&(heq)eu!u@)(u
(*y%$(&#ygrgr#&t#r(&#yt*uy)!(&$)(!*#y%)*hy)*
#y%*#(y!(*!y##!*$
#%hy(*fhr#(@*ry(*y$#!(*$y)*
%$(#*!hr!(#*hy!*$g(
MY JABBAWOCKEEZ SHIRT HAS ARRIVED!
FINALLY! MY 18DAYS OF WAITING PAID OFF!
RIGHT NOW,ITS ROUGHLY 6HRS MORE BEFORE THE SHIRT LAND ONTO MY HANDS!
GONNA MEET JIA XIN IN 6HRS!
6HRS!
ARRGGHHHHHH!
BLOODY CANT WAIT! FINALLY!
WOOT!
YOU GUYS DUNO HOW MUCH I REALLY WANT IT YOU KNOW!
OH MY GOODNESS,MY SHIRT!
OKAY,I GOTTA SLEEP NOW AND LOOK FOWARD TO 6PM AT AMK HUB!

MUUUUUACK!
GOODNITE!

Happy Teachers' Day!

2009-09-01T22:53:00.001+08:00

Yo!
Wassuppppp!
This post will be interesting one!
So be sure to read this.
We Anz Sparda perform once again on Teachers' Day.
And this time round,we did perform on our usual stage.
But,we perform on a platform whereby its 360degrees!
In addition,anybody can see us in every corner.
Even though our stage was small,it was very unique.
And I didnt regret it.
It was fantastic,awesome and High-Voltage!
Also,we had a different outfit.
Its more formal and 'gentlemen'.
As I am typing this,memories of us,6guys dancing in the middle keeps on flowing in my mind.
It was surely an impact we made.
We thank Jabbawockeez for their inspiration.
This is also a dance we pay tribute to our very own MJ.
I would like to say even though there was mistake during the performance,I am still proud.
Our effort and practice paid off.
Thanks.
Even though its our last dance of the year,I am sure we will bring it to the next level!
I shall wait for the day we rock the floor again!
Videos are at FaceBook and Youtube.

Here are the photos.
Enjoy.

THIS IS ANZ SPARDA!

Unlucky day.

2009-08-30T00:47:00.000+08:00

These are the event today:
-Bboy @ East Coast!
-Dance Heat @ Suntec!
-Michael Jackson 7pm on channel 5!

Oh my goodness!
I miss those.
How unlucky can I be?
And its all because of the stuffs I had going on.
Went out to shop for our Monday performance.
Cant wait you know.
The stage is unique this time round.
And sadly,its the last dance of the year.
And we got to wait till next year?
Kinda long!
Im quite upset that I had to miss the Bboy cos its only once in awhile time.
So yeah,dang.
Miss BOTY and now this.
What luck.
Pffffttttt.
Well,shall be patient and wait!
Today was fun anyway.
Shop here and there.
And the laughter of the day,
I was walking behind Ashiq.
Then he stop and came to me and said "Huh".
Then I said "Huh".
And we both started laughing!!!!
HAHAHAHA!
And the thing is that Ashiq thought I was talking to him when i was keeping quiet.
HAHAHA!
Dumb dumb.
And I saw a Japanese Sandal at beach road.
I wish I could buy that for Syafarah one day.
Beach Rd seem to improve I realised.
Not baddddd.
Its been 2weeks and I have yet to received my Jabbawockeez shirt.
God,pleasepleasepleaseplease let me have it.
Its a 'die-die' thing!
Made a video of me dancing and showed it to Jia Xin.
Her comment was "you never do properly".
0.0
I shall improve you'll see.
AND YOU BETTER CALL ME ASAP WHEN THE SHIRT ARRIVE AT YOUR DOORSTEP!

Alright,shall end here.
And those who go BayBeats,Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Detection.

2009-08-28T23:48:00.000+08:00

Lynette,youre like a virus.
No matter how many times I terminate you,you keep appearing.
Like I always said before,I want to end EVERYTHING.
You know,these are the thing I wanna do:
.Make a new number
.Delete you from my email and msn.
.Delete you from facebook and friendster.

I just dun want to talk to you ever again or see you ever again.
Cos it will only make things worse.
Live your own life girl,and I live mine.

Hey brother(:

2009-08-28T23:41:00.000+08:00

He took away my troubles.
A 1yr old boy made a 17yr old boy smiled.
How possible is that?
Love you man.

The first woman who broke my record.

2009-08-28T22:40:00.000+08:00

Welcome back readers.
As you all know,I couldnt get the chance to use my com cos I was away in Tampines.
Well then,I shall my crap.
Okay,recently last week I went out with Jia Xin to catch the movie Where Got Ghost.
And wow.
Firstly,we have never met for like 4years.
And during our first meeting,she was so damn late!
Not only that.
SHE WAS EVEN LATE FOR THE MOVIE!
30MINUTES!
I have never been that late to catch the movie.
Obviously,she broke my record.
And I hate to watch a movie without watching the WHOLE thing.(Including the trailers)
Hahaha!
But nah,I guess it takes a real nigga to forgive this kind of thing when its the first time.
At least,she treat me for food.
Jia Xin,you never change!
Man,I was like "You are still the same old Jia Xin".
Lame stuffs and all.
And those "WHAT!s".
Got me recalling the past.
Haha!
Crazy fellow.
Went to void deck and teach her dance.
As a beginner,I can see potential in he and that she start off a good start.
If she could improve,that would be great!
KAWAI!

Oh yes.
For those people that want to catch Where Got Ghost,let me give you a preview of it k.
In my opinion,I believe that the chinese would be able to find it funny cos of Hokkien stuffs.
But as for the rest,I dun think so.
Cos I only find it lame at some point.
This movie is really Singaporean.
So dun expect anything BIG or new.
What I hate the most is the graphic.
Its so fake.
It is also not very professional.
Thats why I can only give the movie 1.5/5.
The story plot might be quite dumb.
Its like the ghost is not a ghost.
Sometime,I am not sure myself.
I can say Jack Neo's I Not Stupid is so much better.

YES!I WILL GET IT!

2009-08-16T16:55:00.000+08:00

HEY SUCKERSSS!
I am fucking getting this shirt homies!
Let me show the proof:
"Dolly. It was just a dream, a really nice one. says:
Thank you Your order was placed successfully.
You've just purchased this
1x JBWKZ Celtic Summer Tour Shirt - Large

1x JBWKZ White Stack Tank - JBWKZ White Tank Medium

1x JBWKZ Black Stack Tank - JBWKZ Black Tank Medium

Your Order ID is: #1363

An email receipt containing information about your order will soon follow. Please keep it for your records.

Thank you for shopping at JBWKZ."

There!
You saw it!
I bought that shirt only while Jia Xin bought 2!
That auntie ah!!!
GRRRR!
Must kena sepak on the ass.
Hahaha!
Man,speaking of the Jabbawockeez shirt,
I cant wait to wear it and show it to all of you!
ARGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
So happy and excited!
I think the shipment will come in 2weeks!
Can barely wait man.
Phew,finally I get to like you know...get the shirt which I have always wanted.
(Jumps around in joy)
I LOVE YOU AUNTIE!
HAHAHAHA!

Can I have it?

2009-08-16T14:26:00.000+08:00

I BADLY WANT THIS SHIRT MAN!
It cost only $37!
Worth it.
Sadly,me and jia xin couldn't get it.
We order already but I thought I could pay by my ATM card.
But FAILED!
Wtf,we were so excited and happy for a moment.
Then come this sad news.
Nvm,shall wait for her to ask her mum!
Then can buyyyyy!
Jia xin!
Quick go askkkkkk!

ASHIQ BOUGHT A MJ SHIRT FOR ME!

2009-08-15T16:23:00.000+08:00

Cool right the shirt?!
Thank you so much Bro!
Even though its only $4.
At least its from Thailand!
Hahaha!
I love it.
And you prove to me that you did not lie about the shirt!
HAHAHAHA!