Mariska Hargitay

Monday, February 8, 2010

My biggest loss.

I was overcame with regrets and shame after what you texted me.
Thats when I knew how you felt when I 'left' you months ago.
And now,it hit me back.
The same thing which has hit you months ago.
But I guess,you were much in a worse position.
I read your last msg again and again.
To be honest,I myself didnt realize I was such a satan/bastard/whatever you name it.
I can understand by what it means to be faithful.
Cos I was too,trying to be faithful to farah.
But I failed.
And now,its your turn.
But I just cant bear the pain I feel inside.
And I know I have to carry on with the pain as life goes on.
Thats pretty sucky.
But I guess thats nth to do.
I see a pic of you and him.
I must admit,I dun like it cos its so ugly.
At the same time,Im feeling a sense of jealousy.
And I am learning how to control it.
L,you cant tell me what to do.
Its really hurtful to move on.
Yes,it takes time to heal.
But the process is too painful.
Nobody wish to go through it.
But yet,its so unlucky that I have to.
You can say it just like that,cos you are moving on with Randy.
I appreciate that you care for me and all.
But yet,I am still stubborn.
This spoilt brain of mine just want you and you.
All I need is you.
Which,wont fucking happens.
I am too ashamed to carry my shame and regrets along with me.
Sorry for what I had done.
I know nothing can be done.
But im still holding on the rope.
Everyday,I ask myself if theres is ever a chance for us again.
And I know the answer would be NO.
Yet,I still ask myself.
Is like a fact is already a fact,and yet I wont believe it.
L,you are my greatest loss and my biggest love and my longest love.

I love you.

posted at 1:14 AM by Ammar | Permalink |

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