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It didn't start off so well.
Woke up to one of the bad dreams and started crying.
Gotten used to it already.
But yeah, this particular one was bad.
Well, every bad ones in awhile.
Was suppose to go for a battle after Rdf prac.
But had to go back school to do editing.
And I felt it was something better to do.
Hope you receive the 8 mochi.
4 cheese
4 chocolates (You prefer this)
Whatever happens, do your best.
Its funny how I am deciding to quit my dance world.
It was my life, my everything and my future.
But now its time to lie down for my own good.
All I can commit is my dance time with Rdf.
They came before I met you.
So I had no reason to quit Rdf.
But as I grew my passion, I realised that dance isn't that beautiful as it was.
It wasn't that beautiful as you were now.
I made you grew into a beautiful dancer.
A dancer who I recalled dancing to Pyramid where we started from Broken Hearts.
Promising that we will reach to the top together.
It was a race.

I gave up.
This isn't for me, this isn't for us.
Right now, dance does not meant a thing for me even though the urge of dancing is very strong.
I force myself not to.
I need to focus, on my studies.
Adventure is the only escape for me now.
And its the most beautiful thing I get.

Hmmm,shall elaborate when I am free.

I need to get back to work now.
No sleep.
Then filming.

Cant let my emotion take over yet.
Fuck this.

---

Cigarettes.
I been cutting them down since the new year.
From 2 days a pack, its been 5 days a pack.
Let keep this in progress.
Aiming for 7 days a pack.

I miss you.
And I don't hate you.
But I hate what you did to me.

Focus.
Focus.
Focus.
Making the best I can out of my studies.


One of my classmate shared this.
Its been long.

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Looking at you across the class.
You look beautiful Inah.
You're different from the past.
I felt jealous.
Jealous that someone was lucky that he got you.
But its okay.
Someday.

Dun let anyone say you aint beautiful.

Its the start of SP.
Gonna try my best again like how I did in my previous SP.
Late night sleeps.

Enjoy.

---

So it was Friday again and this was waiting for you.
Well, I guess I am gonna take a bite while I type this out.
Heh, the taste of the almond and chocolate.
Something we couldnt resist.
Its alright, another time.

What a bad week.
Been having mood swing and running on low patience.
Gotta keep myself straight the next week and the next 3 weeks.
This time, I be doing my SP with no distraction, purely 100% on work.
Cos I remember the last time I did my SP, we were together, on the rock.
She wasn't there for me, and I wasnt there for me.
What a world.

And sadly, last Wed, Inah Mum suddenly called me to ask for Inah as she didnt pick up her phone.
Wild imagination came through me.
Well, if it happen, let it happen.
I got no right.
Yeah, was worried, jealous, and depressed again.
It was a long Wed, and before I went for Rdf, this happen.
But it was good to hear Tita voice again.
It felt as though we were together again, but I know it isnt.
Reality a bitch, so does Karma,

Alright, done finishing with the choco fondant.
So its my work.
Future.

I am sorry if I made V.day nothing special for you cos I always had in mind that, I didnt need that one speical day to tell you how special are you.

I love you always, forever.

---

Thanks for the wish though.
It meant alot to me.
Alot.

---

And there they were.
Walking past me.
I could see you smiling and laughing with him.
It was great, watching you walk happily stretching your left hand to embrace his face.
But it hurts at the same time, thinking it was me the last time you did.
Somehow, I could swallow the pain.
Its alright Ammar.
Love is always unfair I know.
I learnt a damn good lesson.
At least I am happy that my heart took another beating and is still pumping strong.

Been busy these few weeks, even with holidays.
School, Study, School, Study.
That is all I want to do.
Health, Money, Love, aside.
It has been good to me somehow the life I lead now.
Always making myself tired to the max.
Had a headache last week and it has not been gone since then.

Woke up yesterday feeling sad and tired.
Maybe I had a sign that I was to see them.
Well, thank you.
I am sad.

Over.Everything.

---

And so, was hanging around at home.
When my grandma asked me that Q.
She asked for Inah.
She wanted to know why she have not been coming my place.
I was stucked.
All I said was I was not talking to her anymore.
And that was when I thought of all the footprints she left at my house.
The chair, the sofa, the toilet, the kitchen.
Almost every part of my house held her print.
So much for everything.
And just few hours ago, I had a dream again.
You were crying.
I duno what is happening but I was listening to you.
I felt hurt, as usual.
And I woke up, just to realise I am alone sitting in the dark.

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Fireworks happening across JB.

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