Been awhile since I updated myself.
Been busy with my Studio Project 2.
I am glad its all over and done.
3 weeks of non stop work.
I forced myself to focus on my work, not letting her be my distraction.
Long bus ride home, sleeping over them instead of thinking over stuffs.
Well, yeah its good that way but I felt so sad at the same time.
I tend to stop and think why I am doing this again.
Why I am making myself work so hard when the last time I did my SP, she left.
She left while I was trying to make the best of myself just for the sake of our future.
I know its lame I am doing something so hard while I am just at Year 1.
But its something I love doing.
My interest.
And I cried at night, with sudden dreams and depress moments come again.
I have been getting headache for almost a month now.
Pain been throbbing on and off.
But I gotta be strong.
Alot happen to me all this time.

One of the fucking problems is me moving back to Tampines.
WHY DAD?!
You rented an apartment for me at Tampines.
WHY TAMPINES?!
Its the only place I dont want to go ever!
And now you are going to work 2 jobs just so you can support me.
And there goes for me, to find another job to support us back.
No dad, you shldnt have done that.
I am happy where I am.
But not Tampines.
Even though I have always love the East.
But everything there is painful memories.
She left something so great that it hurts to even hurt her name, let alone East Side.
I am afraid again, to face all this.
And again, I am going to take another beating.
I do not want to take 72 and bump into her.
I do want to take MRT and bump into her.
I do want to bump into her or worse, them.
THEM.
I dont why but I been falling over and over again each time I try to rise.
Batman have retired Ammar.
Stop this please.

Its madness.
Its killing me slowly.
I miss you but I hate you at the same time.
No I love you.
And you are a great liar.
Fuck this.

Stop this, seriously.

---