Mariska Hargitay

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Happy 'dead' 37th Month Anniversary.

The harder I try to forget you,the more I am loving and missing you.
It is just so hard and really very hurting to have someone you love all the times,to just end everything.
We chatted.
And you talked to me as though nothing happened.
Maybe I am hurt to see that you are okay and all while I am suffering and keeping silence.
Its okay,I am learning to accept that things have to let go.
I read your blog and its all about him.
I felt jealous.
Nothing can be done about this anyway.
I have already told myself,its no hope,no chance.
Its fucking over.
Right now,I am controlling my feelings so hard.
Trying to endure as much as I can.
For all I know,its gonna be a long and slow process.
But at least I am glad I found her old blog.
There are pics of our very young love.
And stories too.
I read,and almost cried thinking how much we had gone through together.
How much I loved you.
How much I hated you.
And how much you love me.
But times have changed.
Things arent the same back then.
I am now moving on.(I guess)
One thing I am not happy is what you are doing to me.
What,you told me he go for camp.
Then you come talk to me?
I am very confused.
I dun want to think that you are giving me hope.
You tell me SO-SO.
But look at what you are saying in your blog.
Its like making myself feel that we would get back together again.
I hate this.
I dun want to feel this way.
Wait for him for all I care.
I shall just keep silent I guess.
You know,I felt very happy when we talked.
I was really very happy.
But at the same time,I didnt know if Im doing the right thing or not.
I would regret if I didnt talk to you and be hurt,I would also regret if I talk to you and get hurt.
And so in this kind of situation,nothing can be help but to face it.
Cos in any other way,I am still going to get hurt.
There is no other escape.
Which pretty sucks.
Lynette,I duno what you are really are.
You always make me disappointed over and over again.
And you dun even seems to realize it.
Nvm,you wont even bother.
So yeah,happy 37th month.

posted at 1:37 AM by Ammar | Permalink |

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