I WISH TO SPENT THE NEW YEAR WITH YOU LYNETTE):

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Been coughing and coughing.
Life been tough for me these past 2days.
Sick of all this coughing.
Luckily,I got a taste of the cough syrup yesterday which my dad bought.
And,it doesnt taste that bad.
I can endure it without drinking water each time I take a spoonful of the syrup!
Work wonders!
Well,Ashiq called me asking to go for a party at this club.
I duno if I shlould go.
First,I dun really like clubbing cos its dangerous.
Second,I dun like the people there-playboys.
Third,Im having a cough.
Fourth,I duno if Im running short on money!
Im really wish not to go.
So I hope,all my boys will say NO to Ashiq.
Then all dun go.
Hah.
We still got the countdown party-.-
Cant wait.
I pray for a fast recovery!
At the same time,as the new year approaches,
lots of things have been in my mind.
And the 1st thing is YOU lynette.
You may think Im very happy and enjoying myself.
Yes,its true I am.
But its doesnt last long.
I wish it could last forever,but I cant.
Cos when it will all comes down to you.
Like I said,you were my everything.
And I got to admit that when I talk to Lyndra on the phone,I felt I was talking to you.
She made me think of you.
But sadly,it was not the real you.
I want you.
I know you are happy out there.
So be it.
I cant do anything.
Love him as much as you want.
For all I know,we can never go back to where we were.

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Well,I am not so happy that both of you are going to each other house.
I am so jealous.
Seriously,fuck this.
And the only thing thats making me more mad is that I cant do anything about it.
Sad to see her happy,
Sad to see me helpless.
I find no peace in myself in which I cant seek it anywhere.
New Year eve,please get me drunk and just be happy for a moment.
I duno what you 2 might do.
But its bothering me.
But I promise you lynette,I will never break the Agreement.

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All those guys in the picture,thank you very much for making my day for these past few days.
It had been a hell of a tiring days.
Wake up,go out,come home,sleep.
These are what I wanted.
So that I wont really think of her.
Oh ya,to all the Ang Moh,Merry Christmas hohoho.
So yeah,these few days I enjoyed myself.
But one thing thats bugging me.
I didnt feel right.
I knew,you will still in my heart,
And sometimes,when I go out,I see places that we went before.
And it reminds me of us.
Walking down orchard,I remember the times we held our hands together and laughed.
I know you want to go out with me.
So do I.
But I am telling myself not to.
Cos I know,things wont go the way I wont and I wouldnt want to hurt myself more.
Im afraid of you.
Im afraid of myself.
Its rather a sacrificing task I had to do.
Argh,love sucks right?
I bet you be having a good time now.
All the time when I was out,I kept my eyes look out on a gift I could spent on you.
But nah,whats the use.
Its over.
Made a wish.
It came true,not.
2010 coming,gotta be the most saddest year.
2009 surely leaves a huge bill.


Viva la Jadaags.

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You are the girl I love the most in my whole lifetime.
Losing you is like committing suicide.
People keep asking me,"Hows you and Lynette?"
And it only hurts me to even hear your name.
And the answer is what hurts me deeply.
Seriously,I keep thinking of you everywhere.
I see you everywhere.
When I took bus 25,i t reminds me of you.
I see a jersey number 13,its you again.
Its always you.
Everytime you make me think of your pretty cute smile.
But I am sad to say theres no sweet memories left.
Instead,they are bittersweet.
I cant smile thinking back of our past.
Well,I guess you are doing fine now and still waiting for him.

---

So here we go.
Sup homies.
These days I been living like Batman.
Sleep during the day,work during the night.
But due to some stupid-ness act from some of the staff,we got fired from UniQlo.
Only 2days of earning a living and it went boom!
But I got to admit that it was quite fun during my work.
Met 2 ah lians.
One is the picture above and the other one is the picture below.
Little did I knew that they were friendly unlike me.
So straight and fierce-looking always.
Hah.
Almost every time we end,we would head to the 24hrs lan gaming at Dhouby Ghaut!
Woot.
Thats my favourite part.
Played for 5hrs at $5.
Theres a package.
Cool.
Anyone who want to ton the night call me.
We could make a trip there.
Played L4D 2 and Call Of Duty 5.
COD was seriously cool.
The graphic is fucking real and it gives the real effects of how its like in a real war.
Damn real.
Hai,but now its all over.
No batman work for me anymore.
Gonna spent the night thinking about her again.
Its been long time since we contacted.
Hmm,Im jealous that she finally found her love one.
I dun understand why does it hurt her to lose me when she loves another guy.
She dun understand why we cant be friend.
Well,like what she said,we can never understand each other.
Thats the reason we came to this end.
I gotta thank Isham for getting a job for me,again.
This time,im gonna work with him.
At least,there will be time where I wont get to see her in my mind.
I need something to distract me.
But in my heart,I still cant let go of her.
I remember those words like Asshole,Stupid,Fucker she said to me to collect my bag.
Her attitude,didnt change at all.
I hope you change for the bettter.
Randy wouldnt stand this.
But he doesnt know your true colours.
Nvm,forget it.
Sorry I didnt want to meet you.
I dun want.

---

Yes,I dun understand you like how you dun understand me.
Nvm,lets keep this simple.
You and me,no more talking and meeting.
You cant talk to me as friend cos I will see it in a different way.
As you can see,I am not able to take it cos I am still in love with you.
While you are in love with other guy.
So,we see in different ways.
I am very hurt of what you said to me.
So thats when I guess things have to come to a point.
I am going to delete you from my hp,email,facebook-everything.
Goodbye.

It just hurt me alot to see the person that I love,loves someone else.

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Sorry?
Nope,its okay.
You wont need to apologize.
Cos its I am the one at wrong.
Girls,they are just like that.
They show to the guys that they are alone and all when actually they are not.
They just wanna make the guy feel she miss him.
Pfft.
Nvm,if it has to go down this way,let it be.
I know you Lynette.
I am very sure that you are gonna wait for him.
Cos I know that you are that kind of person.
I will convinced myself that we will never go back together again.
Stop saying you are being alone and all.
You are not alone.
You have somebody in your mind.
And also,yes gave me a sense of hope at times.
Its not just because you talk to me.
But its the way you talk to me.
Dont you know it hurts me?
Plus,you got Randy and you doing this to me.
Its like you are playing with my broken heart.
Im already broke and you are breaking it into smaller pieces.
Im happy like how you are when we talked.
But at the same time,I am sad.
I talk to you because I couldnt stand being without you.
I want to lose you but I cant bear to.
Which is why,I am very lost now.
I duno how to make up my mind.
Nvm,let time pass by.
Lucky enough to say,I got a night shift job.
I wont be able to talk to you.
That would enlighten me.
At least I wont get that hurt much.
Who knows,we might not be able to meet also.
I hope this would changed.
Cant wait to feel how its like to be like Batman.
10pm-8am work,the rest sleep.
Wake up,go work again.
Perfect.
Take care.

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The harder I try to forget you,the more I am loving and missing you.
It is just so hard and really very hurting to have someone you love all the times,to just end everything.
We chatted.
And you talked to me as though nothing happened.
Maybe I am hurt to see that you are okay and all while I am suffering and keeping silence.
Its okay,I am learning to accept that things have to let go.
I read your blog and its all about him.
I felt jealous.
Nothing can be done about this anyway.
I have already told myself,its no hope,no chance.
Its fucking over.
Right now,I am controlling my feelings so hard.
Trying to endure as much as I can.
For all I know,its gonna be a long and slow process.
But at least I am glad I found her old blog.
There are pics of our very young love.
And stories too.
I read,and almost cried thinking how much we had gone through together.
How much I loved you.
How much I hated you.
And how much you love me.
But times have changed.
Things arent the same back then.
I am now moving on.(I guess)
One thing I am not happy is what you are doing to me.
What,you told me he go for camp.
Then you come talk to me?
I am very confused.
I dun want to think that you are giving me hope.
You tell me SO-SO.
But look at what you are saying in your blog.
Its like making myself feel that we would get back together again.
I hate this.
I dun want to feel this way.
Wait for him for all I care.
I shall just keep silent I guess.
You know,I felt very happy when we talked.
I was really very happy.
But at the same time,I didnt know if Im doing the right thing or not.
I would regret if I didnt talk to you and be hurt,I would also regret if I talk to you and get hurt.
And so in this kind of situation,nothing can be help but to face it.
Cos in any other way,I am still going to get hurt.
There is no other escape.
Which pretty sucks.
Lynette,I duno what you are really are.
You always make me disappointed over and over again.
And you dun even seems to realize it.
Nvm,you wont even bother.
So yeah,happy 37th month.

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These are the feelings that is running in my mind.
I duno which one am I feeling.
Pfft.
Its amazing that the woman I love so much can be the one that hurts me so much.
Oh gosh,I feel damn terrible.
Life isnt good for me if I have to think about it.
All this time,I depend myself on Lynette.
Even though I told myself and everybody I was independent.
But that was just to a brave front to show that I am just strong.
In fact,I am just so timid and small and a coward.
Without her now,I feel like a loser.
She must be happy that she has someone else to be her wall to support her.
While I am here being a good-for-nothing.
Helpless.
Thats what defines me.
But I know that life still have to go on without her.
Guess,I am going to suffer a very slow and long torture.
Wonder how am I gonna face it.
Hmm,I think shes having a good time now with him.
She might be moving on with him by now.
Talking to him on the phone every night like how we used to.
Laughing at every joke he makes,missing him.
Telling each other how much they miss and love.
Saying all those "I love you".
And whats next?
Sex?
Hug?
Kiss?
It will all happen soon.
The pics we had last time,I will see him on her pics.
You know,its hurts me alot when that day I was on the bus with her.
And he called her up while I sat beside her as I see her laughing and enjoying on the phone with him.
Thinking back,I knew she didnt treat me the same way as how he treat her.
I felt I was invisible.
Jealousy conquered me,but I kept my cool.
I didnt want to repeat my mistake by being rough to her.
I am glad I have some good friends who could made my day.
But I wish it didnt end cos I knew I would be back thinking of you and all.
This.is.life.
I shall end here and wait for further torture.
Goodnight.

Love sucks.

---

Sup fans.
So yeah,these few days was a bad one.
First,I left her.
Second,I suffered a very bad cold and cough.
Third,she was on my mind every single moment.
Its like,everything reminded me of her.
Yesterday,while waiting for the train to work,I met this girl who look like her.
I kept staring at her till I forgot to board the train.
While looking at her,I was thinking.
Thinking of the past.
Everything we had done.
I wanted to approach her,but at the same time,I didnt.
The door close and left.
And I was left confused at the platform.
Right now,I guess she must enjoying herself with him.
He has a car.
He could be driving her around without making her parents worried cos they know him.
Even at nights,they could have fun.
Lifes good for her.
Yeah,as I am saying this,I am jealous.
Or rather envy.
To see your loved ones enjoying themself while you are not is terrible.
Nvm,I shall just be patience.
I know times will never be good for me.
But I am growing up.
Its time I step off and take things to myself.
Its true Life is a choice,but it doesnt sucks when you choose the RIGHT choice.
Take that and crank it.
I choose this path and I will have to live with it.
Theres nothing left to say.
Few days have pass yet it feels so long.
Thats why I told you suckers,love sucks.

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Like you said,everyone is different.
I cant do the same like what you did cos it will only hurt me further.
You wont be losing me,just that I will be missing from action for a long period.
Plus,you dun really need me at this moment right.
You have Randy.
And I am sure Randy doesnt like it if you talking to me and at the same time,having an affair with him.
So in other words,I am helping you focus on one guy;Randy.
But,msg me if you want.
And I cant promise if I will reply back.
If you got problems,God Willing that I am there for you.
You could tell me the truth earlier and maybe I would at least prepare.
Nvm,its okay.
Its over.
Please bear in mind of the BIG favor I ask you.
Wish you 2 luck.
Happy Ending.

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My primary school girlfriend.Haha!


So here I am.
I am suppose to go to my Tampines house.
But since its raining,I shall wait for further instruction.
And while waiting,I decided to do a recount on the chalet I had yesterday.
It was Janice,Arthur and Yin King birthday.
Plus,it was not just a normal birthday chalet.
In fact,as I see it,it was more like a gathering!
I met long-time-no-see primary school friends.
Patrick,Jack,Elias,Janice,Weiling and many more were there!
Okay,this is it.
You know,most of us usually when we have a chalet,we dun have plans and we usually just go with the flow.
Which sometimes,make us bored.
But surprisingly,the HI people,who are less unfortunate,are very organized.
They had a meeting at the end of the day.
Which I find it very impressive to me.
So it all went all.
Played games and all.
I love it!
At the same time,I am trying to encourage them to talk and use their Hearing Aids to hear instead of Sign Language.
I am also proud that they learnt to be independent.
Its a good thing.
So they dun really have to depend on somebody.
At least,they have the courage to do so.
Alright,its time.
I gotta head back to Tampines.

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